Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans
One of the worst mistakes I had ever made was mixing the Bertie Bott's beans into the candy machine with the normal 49-flavor beans; you couldn't tell them apart! I was going for the ultimate "every flavor" kind of deal, but nobody wanted any because of the risk of getting dirt or vomit. I eventually ended up hand-sorting the Bertie Bott's beans from the regular beans, but I wasn't sure that I got them all because many of them are similar in color.
Bacon (retired)It tastes more like bacon bits than ordinary bacon, but it's still an interesting flavor. It doesn't have any real bacon in it (Jelly Belly doesn't use animal products in their beans). Interestingly, Bacon is the first meat-flavored bean available (unless you want to count Earthworm, which was released before bacon; I don't think Earthworm should count). The shell is crunchy, but the inside is chewy. The texture reminds me of how some parts of bacon is hard and crunchy while the rest is soft and chewy. Bacon jelly beans are brown with white spots, which is easy enough to distinguish from other beans.
Black PepperWow, this is very very peppery. Of course, Jelly Belly had to use real pepper in it, so it's absolutely peppery. When you bite it, you can feel the grains of pepper explode out of the shell. You can feel it in your nose—that's how peppery and spicy this yucky whoabad jellybean is. In fact, I felt as though I nearly had to sneeze when I ate one of these. The taste lingers on your tongue after you swallow it! Hey, we have pepper, but where's the salt flavor? Oh, I guess we'll get there when we investigate Sardine.
BoogerA pretty gross bean, if I may say so myself (which I may). Gross gross gross. Not only is the flavor bad, but the texture isn't so hot either. It's very chewy, perhaps one of the chewiest beans there are. The picture to the left is misleading; the bean is light green with brown flecks—just like real boogers! In the Harry Potter movie, they call these "bogeys". Isn't that fun to say? "Bogey!"
DirtI like the Dirt jelly beans. Similarly to Black Pepper, the inside seems to be designed so that when you bite it, the grainy particles explode out of it. It genuinely tastes like dirt! I gave one to my aunt Karen. She had to spit it out. She said it got worse as she ate it and left a yucky flavor in her mouth for hours! Dirt's dark brown coloration can be easily confused with other beans if you aren't paying attention.
EarthwormBlech! Here is my least favorite flavor out of all the Jelly Belly jelly beans. As if thinking about eating an earthworm is gross enough, the flavor is horrific. It's the nastiest flavor anyone could ever imagine. And that's not even the worst part! It crunches when you bite it! Eeyuck! It's disgusting! My goodness, I hope they didn't use real earthworm in those beans (no, they didn't). Earthworm is dark red with black splotches on it; try not to confuse it with other beans!
EarwaxAccording to myself, Earwax is a pretty awful too, in texture alone (but nowhere near as bad as Earthworm!). The texture seems to have little bits of chewy wax in it! It's similar in texture to Peanut Butter, which is sad because I sometimes can't eat Peanut Butter jelly beans without being reminded of this flavor. The flavor of Earwax is repulsive.
|Fruit Punch (retired)|
A somewhat juicy, fruity flavor, it tastes just like the kind of punch you'd expect to ladle out of a punch bowl. Honestly, I must say that the flavor wasn't all there, but I must confess that the Fruit Punch bean I tasted is more than five years old, so one might expect some of the flavor to have left. I'm not sure, but this might be Hawaiian Punch, renamed for the Bertie Bott's collection.
GrassOh boy, I bet my cat would love to eat the Grass jelly beans. Grass is his favorite food. It's interesting to eat them. Pretend you're a farm animal eating grass. Isn't that weird? It feels as though there were real grass ground up into the bean, but there isn't. This bean is actually pretty good tasting, which, unfortunately, probably says a lot about my taste in food.
Kit Potter wrote to me with information about the Horseradish bean before I was able to obtain one myself. She says that it tastes like sweet horseradish, which makes sense, seeing that the main ingredient in every bean is sugar. She also says that it's white in color, which makes it difficult to tell apart from other beans. I myself think it reminds me of Roasted Garlic, and my cousin Kevin thinks it tastes like a skunk.
Usually, I pick pickles off my burgers. I've just never liked them. But you know what? I don't think that the flavor of this bean really is really all that assaulting. It has a sort of tanginess to it and I would say that the flavor is pretty darn accurate. It's definitely not the worst in this collection.
|Pumpkin Pie (retired)|
I must honestly say that it closely resembles real Pumpkin Pie!! The taste is subtle but agreeable. Kevin doesn't like them ("Gross, it tastes like pumpkin pie!") but I like it myself. Oh, Kevin just told me more. "Actually, it tastes more like squash with brown pepper on it." My sister Stephanie thinks it just tastes like spices ("like nutmeg") and stuff. Am I the only one who thinks it tastes like pumpkin pie? I think this was the return of an old flavor called Gramma's Pumpkin Pie for the Bertie Bott's collections.
Rotten EggThis is easily a disgusting bean to chew on. It tastes pretty bad, like a real rotten egg. I don't even want to describe it, but I'll tell you that at first, it doesn't seem that bad, but the flavor gradually worsens until you spit it out, at which point, an awful aftertaste takes over and tries to kill your tongue. Rotten Egg beans are white with green spots. They probably would have gone with yellow spots, but buttered popcorn beans already have the white-with-yellow color combination.
SardineYeeeuck! Sardine is another gross flavor. The texture is pretty much what you'd expect. It dissipates in your mouth in the most foul way imaginable. The taste is not great, either. The taste is incredibly strong. Even cutting open one of these babies with a knife releases a pungent odor. This bean contains codfish oil. Sardine is also hideously salty. It's unfortunately very similar in color to Soap. I hope you like seafood.
Quite a bit weird at first, Sausage is anything but comforting. First things first, the bean is blood red inside, which is quite a bit icky! For one thing, I don't really truly think that this tastes like any sausage I've really eaten. I'm sorry, but it's really hard to describe the flavor. At least subliminally, I think it tastes a lot like the old retired Bacon flavor. Perhaps it's a bit too peppery. Ugh, I'm getting too old to be eating these Bertie Bott's beans. I don't enjoy them anymore.
SoapIt's my favorite out of the Bertie Bott's beans. It's close in color to Sardine, so you have to be careful. It's very close to white in color, just like a real bar of soap! It's not every day that you can eat soap without worrying about being blinded by soap poisoning. So... this is what it must be like to have your mouth washed out with soap...
Spaghetti (retired)It's interesting that it tastes like noodles. Spaghetti is one of the least lethal beans in this collection. It's interesting that most of these Bertie Bott's beans are designed to be disgusting. What about less-disgusting-but-realistic flavors, like Cheeseburger, Steel, Salami, Milk, Cilantro, Cat Food, Toothpaste, Maple Syrup, Wood, Water, or Newspaper? Every flavor doesn't have to be intentionally disgusting...
Spinach (retired)Spinach? I don't think real spinach is gross, as long as there's enough ranch dressing to drench it in, but somehow, they managed to make this bean nasty. It's pretty close in flavor, though, so maybe it's the texture or something.
Jelly Belly Flavor Guide - Brandon's Website