33 of Life’s Most Powerful Lessons | Jonathan Mead

1. Often those who aren’t the easiest to love are the ones who need it the most.
2. Seeing children play can make even the bluest day brighter.
3. Money is not the root of all evil, fear is.
4. The secret to happiness is the acceptance of yourself.
5. Happiness is not based on external status, it is an internal state.
6. Money can’t make me happy, but self-sufficiency gives me the freedom to share myself creatively, without worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills.
7. Every man has a right to choose his own destiny.
8. The path is the way.
9. Coming is going, going is coming.
10. The hardest is found in the easiest.
11. Heaven and hell exist here and now, within your own mind.
12. Life is the largest stage.
13. Music is one of the most supreme expressions of life. It is art in it’s most transitory form. It is gone within an instant, and therefore, extremely precious.
14. Follow your gut, you’ll thank yourself later.
15. Remember what your mother taught you, it came from the most sacred place of love that exists.
16. Never let an argument last, never hold a grudge, it will make your heart heavy.
17. Forgive those that have yet to do you wrong, and you won’t have to worry about it should the time come.
18. Be grateful for this moment, it is all there is.
19. The source of most of your frustrations and anxiety are the result of living in the future, or the past.
20. Spend time alone with yourself every day.
21. Always go with yourself, never against yourself.
22. You have to be your own best friend.
23. If you don’t like what someone else says to you, you can walk away. But if you don’t like what you say to yourself, you can’t walk away. Therefore, if you’re going to be with yourself all the time, you might as well be nice to yourself.
24. The truth shall indeed set you free.
25. Lies only exist if we believe in them.
26. Even the most fundamental beliefs about reality are not true in themselves. Our thinking makes them true in our experience.
27. Your thoughts create reality.
28. The biggest lie is the lie of your imperfection.
29. Being kind is more important than being right.
30. Your heart is your best compass.
31. Cherish those that you love, you never know if you’ll see them again.
32. Your beliefs are a filter for your reality.
33. Love is the supreme expression of life, it is the essence and ground of all creation.

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cool

dooooooog pile! i mean.. erm.. CAT PILE!

haha i would so do this, if i could

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:
Oct 24 2007 Views 116415 Comments (0) Leave a Comment Tags: funny
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog

so that's how blue planet does it!!!

grrrr

how we understand sarcasm, explained

THE ANATOMY OF SARCASM: RESEARCHERS REVEAL HOW THE BRAIN HANDLES THIS COMPLEX COMMUNICATION

Israeli psychologists draw conclusions from how brain-damaged people comprehend sarcasm – or not

WASHINGTON — The ability to comprehend sarcasm depends upon a carefully orchestrated sequence of complex cognitive skills based in specific parts of the brain. Yeah, right, and I’m the Tooth Fairy. But it’s true: New research details an “anatomy of sarcasm” that explains how the mind puts sharp-tongued words into context. The findings appear in the May issue of Neuropsychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA).
The Israeli psychologists who conducted the research explain that for sarcasm to score, listeners must grasp the speaker’s intentions in the context of the situation. This calls for sophisticated social thinking and “theory of mind,” or whether we understand that everyone thinks different thoughts. As an example of what happens when “theory of mind” is limited or missing, autistic children have problems interpreting irony, the more general category of social communication into which sarcasm falls.

Simone Shamay-Tsoory, PhD, and colleagues at the Rambam Medical Center in Haifa and the University of Haifa, studied 25 participants with prefrontal-lobe damage, 16 participants with posterior-lobe damage and 17 healthy controls. All participants listened to brief recorded stories, some sarcastic, some neutral, that had been taped by actors reading in a corresponding manner. Here is an example of sarcasm: “Joe came to work, and instead of beginning to work, he sat down to rest. His boss noticed his behavior and said, “Joe, don’t work too hard.” Meaning: “You’re a real slacker!” Here is a neutral example: “Joe came to work and immediately began to work. His boss noticed his behavior and said, “Joe, don’t work too hard!” Meaning: “You’re a hard worker!”

Following each story, researchers asked a factual question to check story comprehension and an attitude question to check comprehension of the speaker’s true meaning: Did the manager believe Joe was working hard? When participants answered got the fact right but the attitude wrong, they got an “error” score in identifying sarcasm.

Participants with prefrontal damage were impaired in comprehending sarcasm, whereas the people in the other two groups had no such problem. Within the prefrontal group, people with damage in the right ventromedial area had the most profound problems in comprehending sarcasm. The ventromedial area is the inferior (rear) part of the prefrontal cortex, and includes the cortex on top of the orbits of both eyes and the inside part of the frontal lobes.

The findings fit what we already know about brain anatomy. The prefrontal cortex is involved in pragmatic language processes and complex social cognition, thus it followed that participants with prefrontal damage had faulty “sarcasm meters.” At the same time, damage to the ventromedial area, which is involved in personality and social behavior, will disrupt not only understanding sarcasm but also understanding social cues, empathic response and emotion recognition. The authors write, “Understanding sarcasm requires both the ability to understand the speaker’s belief about the listener’s belief and the ability to identify emotions.”

The findings highlight the importance of lesion size in sub-regions of the frontal lobe because the extent of the right ventromedial lesion was significantly related to performance in the sarcasm task: The worse the damage, the greater the impairment.

In sum, Shamay-Tsoory and his/her colleagues propose a neural network for processing sarcastic utterances:

The left hemisphere language cortices interpret the literal meaning of the utterance;
The frontal lobes and right hemisphere process the intentional, social and emotional context, identifying the contradiction between the literal meaning and the social/emotional context;
The right ventromedial prefrontal cortex integrates the literal meaning with the social/emotional knowledge of the situation and previous situations, helping the listener determine the true meaning.

Shamay-Tsoory says, “A lesion in each region in the network can impair sarcasm, because if someone has a problem understanding a social situation, he or she may fail to understand the literal language. Thus this study contributes to our understanding of the relation between language and social cognition.”

this looks like it could be part of a decoration of a cake or something

create your own snowflake?

http://www.zefrank.com/snowflake/

interesting flash program

LOL

Seven Amazing Ways to Become Love

“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton

For some that one thing might be success, friends, money or faith. For others, the one thing is love. Love is the foundation in life; not just in receiving love but in giving and becoming love, too. Consider these seven amazing ways to discover how to become love.

1. Love is a choice. There is a difference between love, the feeling and love, the choice. Throughout life, we often have the opportunity to fall in love. Feelings of excitement are often associated with love when it is first experienced. It can feel very good to fall in love and it can feel very empty when the love is taken away. However, in order to live a happy and purposeful life it is important to choose to become a loving person. Even though we can’t always control or predict when we may feel love, we do have the power to choose to become love. We get to choose when and how to act with love. Opportunities exist everyday.

2. Love your self, first. Before you can share love, you must first have love for yourself. Otherwise, how can you share what you don’t have? It may be difficult to find happiness and peace if you don’t think of yourself as worthy of receiving it. Self love is the most important element of becoming a spiritually healthy person. Love for self gives you balance, it centers you, and it keeps you on track when circumstances in life attempt to derail you.

3. Give yourself love. The challenge becomes when you have never learned how to love yourself. Some may find it difficult to self love, not because of their worthiness, but because they don’t know how. Because of childhood events, or other life experiences, some don’t even understand they are allowed to self love. If you have difficulty with the idea of self love, consider imagining you are holding the smaller you; the younger you. What would you say? Would you show love? Chances are you would. Extend that same love and grace to yourself today.

4. Make time for love. What’s more important to you, watching television or providing your focus to the person standing in front of you requesting your time and attention? Often times when we think we are too busy to give some of our time, some of our love, we are really just making the choice to do something else. The five minutes it might take to be fully present for someone or to return the telephone phone call to a friend who needs to talk, or to give and receive a hug can be the best time invested all day – and this investment will come back to you with more meaningful returns than perhaps anything else you may do.

5. Try to see the best in others, not the worst. When you expect good things to happen, good usually does happen. When you expect the best in someone, you often receive that, too. Bottom line: You usually get what you asked for in life. Begin learning how to experience those in your life (co-workers, friends, and family) as essentially good, worthy and full of incredible value. Look for ways they please you, surprise you, and make your life better. They will feel your admiration, confidence and love for them.

6. Do your best to do your best, never try to do your worst. Becoming love takes effort. Becoming love is a commitment to show grace and compassion to others no matter how upset or discouraged you may feel. Becoming love has no margin for short-cuts or intentional ill-will. When you set out to try to do your best, no matter the circumstance, it will come back to you 20-fold or more.

7. Celebrate the love in your life. Love is a miracle. When you are able to share your love and become love you have something worth treasuring and celebrating. We should never take love for granted – it can be snatched away quickly and without mercy. Celebrate your loving heart and celebrate how blessed your life is becoming as you become love to more and more people. Celebrate the “one thing” in your life with passion and enthusiasm!

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Editorials - The Geek Hierarchy - HAHAHAHA MAJORLY FUNNY

There are many different categories of Geekdom out there, many of which I can count myself a member. But with so many different varieties out there, how is one to know which is more socially acceptable than the other? How are geeks to know which other geeks to shun and which to look up to? It can all be a bit confusing, which is why I've put together this handy dandy "Geek Hierarchy" for you, illustrating which geekdoms are more socially acceptable than others. Hopefully, after reading this list, you'll know which geeks to tip your hat to and which to turn your nose up at, and you can thus avoid any embarrassing faux pas. Please note that this is based on years of scientific research and can in no way be factually incorrect. You've seen lists like this before, but never one this detailed, or right.

The Music Geek

Undisputed King of the Geek World, the Music Geek is without a doubt the most socially acceptable. For some reason you can be totally obsessed with going to music store after music store looking for that rare Australian-only single release by your third favorite indie band, and nobody's going to think you're weird or "eccentric" for doing so. This geekdom is the "coolest" because it does not repel women, and many of these geeks actually go out in public regularly to see bands perform, so they tend not to be socially awkward hermits.

The Film Geek

This is another geekdom that most people are comfortable with (unless you are Harry J. Knowles), because nearly everybody likes to watch movies. Even if you like movies so much that you own over 1,000 DVDs and you get so excited you hyper-ventilate when you talk about movie trivia, odds are you're still cooler than many of the other geeks on this list. Movies tend to be a social activity you can enjoy with friends, and true film geeks are always in the theater on opening night for whatever next big blockbuster is hitting the big screen (they will never wait for DVD), so at least it gets them out of the house. They can talk about the new Indiana Jones flick and most people will understand (and possibly even be interested) in what they're talking about. TV geeks (i.e. people who obsessively talk about "LOST") also fall into this category.

The Video Gamer

You've come a long way, baby. Video games went from being cool to nerdy and back around to cool again, what with the last several generations of game consoles with realistic graphics and ultra-violent games. These days everyone likes video games, from cro-mag frat boys to stuttering, sweaty middle-aged nerds who have never known the touch of a woman outside of "accidentally" brushing up against them at the mall, to thirteen-year-old girls who have communicated more words via cell phone texting than they have actually spoken aloud. Hell, even older generations are now getting into the video game craze with developers like Nintendo making titles that appeal to all ages. Video games have never been cooler.

The Sports Geek

If I had my druthers, these guys would be closer to the bottom of the list, but society apparently still thinks it's okay to paint your nipples blue and dress like a chicken, cow, or some other beast of the animal kingdom to show support for your favorite team. These are the guys who speak mostly in grunts and can't add together the change in their pocket, and yet somehow can rattle off scores and statistics of their favorite players like they actually know what numbers are used for. TV cameramen love to show these guys during televised sporting events, and somehow most people seem to overlook the fact that they look and act like idiots, just so long as they support the team. It's one of the great mysteries of life.

The Comic Geek

Hey, I'm not just ranking them this high on the list because I am one (hell, I fall into the next three categories too), but comic books have become far more acceptable over the past decade or so. It could be that the San Diego Comic-Con gets exponentially bigger every year and threatens to devour the planet like Galactus, or it could be the past decade of mostly decent comic book blockbuster movies that have put comic book characters back into the collective consciousness. Maybe it's mainstream shows like "Heroes" that have sparked up interest, or cool, mature books like "Preacher" and "Y – The Last Man" that have brought people into the fold. One way or the other, the Comic Book Guy on "The Simpsons" doesn't seem nearly as relevant as he used to. Sure, there are still plenty of guys like that in the fandom who threaten to give comic readers a bad name, but they make up a far smaller percentage than they used to.

The Sci-Fi Geek

Nearly neck-and-neck with the comic geek is the Sci-Fi Geek. At one time composed primarily of embarrassing Star Trek and Dr. Who fans, in the early 80s it suddenly became cool to like sci-fi after a little group of movies called the Star Wars trilogy came out. Fast forward twenty years and add some horribly stupid decisions by George Lucas, and suddenly it's an embarrassment to be a Star Wars fan but now considered cool to be into Star Trek and Dr. Who. With other great shows like Battlestar Galactica and Firefly, science fiction is no longer the sole province of male virgins, having attracted quite a few nerdy women as well. It's still really really dorky however to like Babylon 5 (and I do).

The Toy Geek

Most people still think that toys are just for kids, even though the toy companies realized a while ago that they can make far more money by producing unarticulated toys that amount to little more than plastic statues of the most obscure characters imaginable and market them to "collectors". Few outside other geekdoms can understand why a thirty-year-old man obsessively collects every cool looking classic Optimus Prime figure he can get his hands on, to fulfill some deep-seated need to honor his childhood hero, the toy of whom he asked for every single Christmas and birthday year after year, but somehow never received and had to make Grimlock the Autobot leader instead when he played with his Transformers because he was the highest ranking Autobot he owned, or at least the pushiest. So, um, yeah. Toy geeks.

The Role-Playing Geek

There's a certain type of role-playing geek that embarrasses most other role-playing geeks, and those types can be found actually playing inside stores that primarily sell role-playing games. When you walk into such a place and your glasses fog up from the miasma of hot B.O., when you hear the hooting, staccato laughter that sounds like a baboon being anally violated with a boulder, and when you notice a cloak draped over the chair behind someone excitedly standing to make a big production out of rolling dice, you will know you have encountered the type of geek I am talking about. They give all of us a bad name. I firmly believe (hope) that most tabletop RPG experiences mirror my own: a group of friends gets together to bullshit about various things and eat snacks, and oh, maybe roll a few dice along the way and not take things too seriously.

The War Reenactor

For some reason, there is some unknowable thing that compels certain people to get together, dress in old war uniforms, and stand on a grassy hill for hours, only to have all this waiting culminate in their falling over and playing dead. I have never understood this, and I never will. Everybody already knows how it's going to turn out, so I fail to see where the enjoyment comes from. What's really scary is when whole families get together and reenact a war (because I'm sure that's historically accurate). In the southern states I'm quite certain there are many Civil War Reenactors on the Rebel side who are hoping to pull out a surprise victory this time in their little fake war.

The Otaku

I enjoy some anime. I've even been to a few cons, which is one of the main reasons why I haven't actually bothered to check any new anime in the better part of a decade. Because of the Otaku. Also, because I haven't had the time, but that's not nearly so interesting. The anime con has already been dealt with in far more detail than I'm prepared to cover here. If you've been to an anime convention, you understand what it's like to be bowled over by the stench as soon as you set foot in the venue; you know all too well that you will see lots of rather abundantly large people trying to squeeze into skimpy, form-fitting costumes. You know the pain of hearing a guy with heaving, sweaty breasts and a shrill, girly voice who knows all of three Japanese words trying to speak like he's fluent in the language, and the guy who does not let his lumberjack beard deter him from dressing up like a sailor scout. You know how most of the cosplayers at such a con make the geeks at comic conventions look like the Cool Kids whose table in the cafeteria you dared not approach, even the guy with the paunchy belly wearing the homemade Metamorpho costume.

The MMORPG Player

A relatively new phenomenon, the Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Gamer came on the scene and suddenly bumped the tabletop Dungeons & Dragons geeks up a few notches. I have never played one of these games, nor do I intend to, because I have seen too many people have their entire lives sucked away, packing on the pounds as their life becomes more and more sedentary, and the only news they have to share with me involves virtual quests. I have heard the hushed rumors of "poopsocking" and I know that someone out there must have tried it, sure as I know that any fucked up thing you can conceive of has been tried before and there's probably a pay site somewhere on the internet about it. At least D&D involves a group of friends getting together in person and actually socially interacting with one another, while MMORPGs have forty-year old guys getting into online arguments with fifth graders over how they're going to split their virtual treasure.

The Band Geek

Has there ever been an instance in all of history where a marching band did not sound like shit? I've never understood what compels some people who want to learn an instrument to dress like a goober and march around at sporting events. I mean, hell, I've got nothing against brass instruments at all, but in this context they sound like the sad, pitiful wails of the dead. Some people really get into this kind of thing. Maybe they had a choice between taking Band or Home Ec and they figured this was a better choice? Well, it's not.

The Ren Faire Geek

I've been to a Ren Faire and there's nothing inherently wrong with them, I suppose, but there's a certain type of person they attract who will embarrass everyone within a 50-yard radius of them, with their sad medieval garb and practiced "milady" faux British accent that suggests they probably act like this under normal circumstances. These people have a little too much trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy, yet still have no problem incorporating modern conveniences like indoor plumbing into their delusion. I've no problem with people who work at these Faires and have to get into "character" to do so, but there's a certain type of Faire-goer who simply takes things too far.

The LARPer

Even sadder than the MMORPGers are the LARPers, or Live-Action Role Players. These are the imagination-impaired geeks for whom sitting at a table and rolling dice just isn't enough. No, they're only satisfied if they can don a wizard robe over their pudgy frame and run around shouting "lightning bolt", throwing nerf darts at guys wearing orc masks that look like they were picked up at Wal-Mart. I think the worst part about LARPers is that many of them strike poses indicating that in their own delusional minds, they feel that they must somehow appear to be "badass". Unfortunately the message these poses actually seem to be conveying is "Please take my lunch money".

The Furry

One pastime that society will perhaps never understand is dressing up in animal suits and not going to work your shift at a theme park or sporting event, but rather getting together with a bunch of other people in animal suits and hanging out. Maybe there's sex involved, and maybe there isn't. I've known some furries, and hell, I've been friends with a few, but they're not the type who dress up in ridiculous costumes or think that their soul is actually a fox's trapped in the body of a human. Even they think the people who dress up like this are fucking crazy. And if the above picture is any indication, for some people dressing up in animal suits is apparently not enough, no, they have to strap on swords and go hunt orcs and goblins with their nerf arrows, combining two bottom-barrel geekdoms into something new that I'd rather not even think about.

The Fanfic Writer

The lowest form of geek, the Fanfic Writer saves the Enterprise, defeats Darth Vader, and beds Buffy the Vampire Slayer on a weekly basis. Many of them "uncover" the true homosexual relationship between two male characters, but the worst offenders are the ones who insert themselves into the story, living vicariously through their characters because they have absolutely no life whatsoever. Ubiquitous on the internet, they have no real social grouping outside of its "tubes", so there is no way to actually identify them in public. Anyone you meet could be a potential fan fiction writer. Perhaps even you could be a fanfic writer and not even know it! (If I had scary music this is where it would be playing).

So that pretty much sums up the geek list. Maybe you don't agree with all of it. Hell, I don't agree with all of it, but society makes the calls, not me. There's no shame in recognizing yourself on this list. After all, there's bound to be somebody on it worse off than you. Unless you're a fanfic writer, in which case, nothing I can say will console you, but maybe you could work me in as a villain and kill me off in your next story.

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The all new eco kitchen appliance at EcoStreet - Raising Green Consciousness since 2002

The all new eco kitchen appliance at EcoStreet - Raising Green Consciousness since 2002

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Work jokes : The Resume Bloopers

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22. Marital status: often. Children: various.

23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

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Zero Tolerance | GNMParents - Parenting Tips, News, Discussions, And Diatribes

My boys are now six and ten. With sixteen years between them, they are ready to start taking some more responsibility for themselves and their surroundings. With that in mind, here are several zero-tolerance policies I’ve recently instituted:

• If I step on a stray Lego, and it’s not in one of the boys’ bedrooms, then it will find itself in a new home – in the garbage can.
• I will no longer tolerate complaints about the color or size of one’s cup and plate being somehow inferior to the color or size of one’s brother’s cup and plate.
• Wiping bottoms is a thing of the past. Only if a child has stomach flu does he need my help in cleaning up poop.
• Both boys know where we keep rolls of toilet paper. Both also know how to change a roll. Ergo: both will be handling that chore on their own — forthwith.
• If they’ve missed the toilet bowl (yet again), and there’s pee on the floor or the side of the tub, they know where to find both paper towels and spray cleaner.
• Gone are the days when I’ll help one of my sons look for a treasured lost toy only to find it sitting in plain view on his desk.
• If the boys whine about what’s for dinner, they will find themselves in their own rooms whining to the walls, and hungry to boot.
• If I am on the phone, they may talk over me only if the house is burning down. Or there are copious quantities of blood involved.

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If Rural Chileans Recycle, Why Can’t We? : Ecoscraps

This picture was taken 50 miles up a desert canyon in the middle of nowhere in the Chilean Andes, underscoring that when there’s a will, there’s a way.

I’m writing this in a city in United States where it’s difficult to recycle paper. In the town where I went to high school, you still can’t even recycle glass.

Photo Credit: Clayton B. Cornell. One of the first signs of human habitation after an 11-day mountain trek, just outside the ‘town’ of Conay, Chile.

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Three Simple Ways to Abandon Your Family by Ralph Gamelli - The Morning News

Go Out for Cigarettes and Never Come Back

1. Start smoking at least three months prior to attempting your deception. (Six months is actually preferable.) This will lend you the credibility that’s fundamental to success. For example, you wouldn’t claim to be going out to buy a newspaper if you’ve never before shown an interest in reading the paper. Each puff will cement in your family’s mind the notion that you’ll have to regularly go out to replenish your supply of cigarettes.

2. Don’t smoke inside the house. This will betray the hostile feelings that have been building up toward your family for many years. Smoke outside on the porch, so they’ll think you still care about them. This way, when the big day finally arrives, they’ll be far less suspicious that you’re leaving forever.

3. In the days preceding the execution of your plan, be sure to make repeated offhand remarks such as “Boy, I am certainly running low on cigarettes” and “One day soon I will undoubtedly need to make a special trip to buy more cigarettes.” Don’t improvise. Write down your lines beforehand, rehearse them in private, and deliver them with the utmost sincerity. No cue cards.

4. It’s now time to pull off the con. “I’m going down to the corner store to get cigarettes. Be right back.” Ideally, you’ll be saying this to your wife. You can’t trust your children to get the message right, and the correct message is essential. You don’t want your family to think you’ve gone on a week-long hunting trip with your buddies, as you’re prone to do when that smothered feeling gets too overwhelming. It must be a simple run to the store for cigarettes or everything is ruined.

5. (Important: If your wife replies, “Cigarettes? Since when have you started smoking?” then call off the plan at once. You’ve been doing something wrong. You must now wait at least another three months, preferably six.)

6. Assuming everything has gone smoothly in Step Four, you can get in your truck and leave. You’re a free man again. Congratulations.

7. New life, here you come.

8. But first, stop at the store for a pack of smokes.

Fake Your Own Death

1. Take your family camping deep in the woods. Make certain it’s a time of year amenable to outdoor activities. To go camping in the dead of winter will only cause warning bells to go off in the minds of your so-called loved ones. Curb your impatience and play the waiting game. Or online poker.

2. The flowers are in bloom, the birds are singing, and your weary spirit, burdened for so long by familial pressures and responsibilities you had never imagined, is ready to soar again. As you’re making camp with the wife and kids, remark on the beauty of nature, the timelessness of the earth itself, and the ever-present danger of ravenous bears. Especially the part about the bears. (This will be important later.)

3. Take everyone on a hike during which you happen to notice curious tracks in the dirt. Feign interest long enough for one of your family members to ask what kind of animal it was. “A bear,” you say, looking pensively into the woods. “A ravenous bear.” Your previous hunting trips will grant you authority in this situation, even though you spent all your time in the cabin getting drunk.

4. Take your family fishing at a nearby stream. Catch several fish (salmon, if possible), cook them for supper, and casually mention that bears can scent a fish for up to eight miles. As darkness falls, proceed to tell tales around the campfire. Each and every tale should prominently feature a bear.

5. As your children retire to their separate tent, tell your wife you’ll join her in your own tent after a quick trip to water the bushes. Take off your sweatshirt, quietly rip it to shreds, and deposit it where you’re certain it will be found in the morning. It wouldn’t hurt to leave your hat as well, and possibly a shoe. Resist the urge to create a commotion. Don’t shake the bushes, don’t scream bloody murder, and above all do not make growling sounds.

6. Escape into the woods and attempt to find your way back to civilization. This will be extremely difficult in the dark, with little or no food and water, and only one shoe. There’s also the very real possibility that you’ll encounter a ravenous bear.

7. When you eventually reach some dust-filled hamlet, you may consider yourself liberated at last. It was a long journey, both literally and figuratively, but it was worth it. You may want to stop at the only gas station in town and inquire on the availability of a job and a room to rent out back.

8. If you’re still hopelessly lost in the woods at this point, might as well make the best of it and become a mountain man. It’s better than being back home, and you know the food will be better.

Alien Abduction

1. It’s late at night.

2. You’re driving home.

3. Call your wife and tell her you see a strange light in the sky.

4. Hang up in the middle of the call.

5. Leave the car on the side of the road.

6. Hitch a ride somewhere.

7. Anywhere.

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tiffsaysrawr sent this to me last year, surprisingly true, FIND YOUR BIRTHDAY DATE

The Birthdays

The birthday is a supporting influence added to the Life Path.  Think of it as a modifier to the Life Path. These are traits that you brought into this life much as with the more important and dominating traits shown by the Life Path. Here is your birthday and the modifying traits shown by it:

 

1

The number 1 energy suggests an increased measure of executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on day 1 of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You may be sensitive, but your feeling stay rather repressed.

 

2

Your birth on the 2nd day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading. The 2 is a very social number allowing you to make friends easily and quickly. Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group. You have a warm-hearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection. You are more prone than most to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil. It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

 

3

Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

 

4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than your Life Path suggested because of this date. Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual. Limitations may be imposed by this 4 energy, especially if this number is active elsewhere in your reading. Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled. Even if it by itself, you are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

 

 

 

 

5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

 

6

A birthday on the 6th of the month adds a tone of responsibility, helpfulness, and understanding to your natural inclinations. Those born on the sixth are more apt to be open and honest with everyone, and more caring about family and friends, too. This is a number associated with responsibility and caring, and no matter what your lifepath, this birthday lends a degree of concern for others.

 

7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways. Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning. You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches. You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work along or in a situation where you can be the boss. This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.

 

8

Born on the 8th day of the month, you have a special gift for business, as you can conceive and plan on a grand scale. You have good executive skills and you're a good judge of values. You should try to own your own business, because you have such a strong desire to be in control. You are generally reliable when it comes to handling money; you can be trusted in this regard. Idealistic by nature, you are never too busy to spend some time on worthwhile causes, especially if managerial support are needed. There is much potential for material success associated with this number.

 

9

Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature. You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous. You are ever sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and even if the other numbers in your core makeup don't show it, you are very sympathetic and compassionate. Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations. This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

 

10

Your birth on the 10th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on the 10th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

 

 

11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

 

12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about. You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

 

13

Being born on the 13th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer, but it may also give you a tendency to dominate people a bit. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than your Life Path suggested because of this date. Sincere and honest, you are a serious, hard working individual. Limitations may be imposed by this 4 energy, especially if there is additional indications the number elsewhere in your number. Your feeling are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. Even if it by itself, you are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. Your intolerance and insistence on complete accuracy can be irritating to some.

 

14

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it. You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

 

15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

 

16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

 

17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very fortune financially, because this date is very good for business interest and a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

 

18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

 

19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path, but poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach; but with this, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well. Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences. The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married. You may take on a tendency to be nervous and anger more easily than your Life Path number suggests.

 

 

20

Your birth on the 20th day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading. The 2 energy provided here is very social, allowing you to make friends easily and quickly. Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group. You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection. You are very prone to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil. It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in. When things are going well, you can go just as far the other way and become extremely affectionate.

 

21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about. You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

 

22

While sometimes employing unusual approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings, assuming great responsibility, and working long and hard towards their completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension.

 

23

With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. Restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent travelling companion.

 

24

Born on the 24th, you have a greater capacity for responsibility and helping others than may have shown in your life path. You may also become the mediator and peacemaker in inharmonious situations. Devoted to family, you tend to manage and protect. This birth date adds to the emotional nature and perhaps to the sensitivities. Affections are important to you; both the giving and the receiving.

 

 

 

 

25

Your birth on the 25th day of the month (7 energy) modifies your life path by giving you some special interest in technical, scientific, or other complex and often hard to understand subjects. You may become something of a perfectionist and a stickler for details. Your thinking is logical and intuitive, rational and responsible. Your feelings may run deep, but you are not very likely to let them show. This birthday makes you a more private person, more introspective and perhaps more inflexible. In friendships you are very cautious and reserved. You are probably inventive, and given to unique approaches and solutions.

 

26

Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life path by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world. In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date. There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities. You are efficient and handle money very well. Ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable. You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility. Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force. You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction.

 

27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by your self to rest and meditate. Regardless of your life path number, there is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

 

28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished. You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

 

29

Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature. You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world. You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities. The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension. This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer. You do, however, work very well with people.

 

 

 

30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic. You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller. Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue. There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work. You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

 

31

Your birthday suggests that you are a good organizer and manager, an energetic and dependable worker; attributes often showing success in the business world. Serious and sincere, you have the patience and determination necessary to accomplish a great deal. Your approach can be original, but often rigid and stubborn. Sensitivity may be present, but feeling are likely to be repressed. You are good with detail and insist on accuracy, but at times scatter energies. Practical thinker, but not without imagination. You love travel and don't like to live alone. You should probably marry early, for responsibility is necessary for your stability.

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The "CLINTON" legacy

The "CLINTON" legacy

Won't it be fun when he becomes "America's First Gentleman" if Hillary won

 

From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he  misses Bill  Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton!

He  was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as  President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed. 

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Look at  him.. his wife works, and he doesn't!

And, he gets a check from the  government every month.

 

Manufacturers announced today that they will  be stocking

America's shelves this week with " Clinton Soup,"

in  honor of one of the nations'most distinguished men.

It consists  primarily of a weenie in hot water.?

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill  Clinton.

The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs,

Clinton replied, "I don't know, I  never had one."?

The Clinton revised judicial oath:

"I solemnly swear to tell the  truth as I know it,

the whole truth as I believe it to be,

and  nothing but what I think you need to know."?

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President

to do  Hanky Panky between Bushes."?

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Donald Thompson (judge) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Donald Thompson is a former Oklahoma judge who on June 29, 2006 was found guilty on four counts of indecent exposure after using a penis pump while presiding over court cases. The jury recommended four years in prison and $40,000 in fines. ^[1][2]

Thompson insisted throughout his trial that he had never masturbated while on the bench, and that the penis pump was a gag gift which he had never used. Police, however, found evidence of semen on his chair and robes, and audio recordings of trials included a "whooshing" sound that the judge could not explain. ^[3]

His parole was denied in June 2007 despite pleas from his wife.

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Daily Selection | Funtasticus.com

Daily Selection | Funtasticus.com

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Creative photos by Chema Madoz | haha.nu - a lifestyle blogzine

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