Nerds Do It Better » 25 Ailments That Can Be Cured By Having Sex

25 Ailments That Can Be Cured By Having Sex

By Jessica Hupp

Sex is one of life’s most enjoyable physical pleasures, but did you know that it’s also great for your overall health? That’s right-sex has been found to help with conditions ranging from the common cold to high blood pressure. And although you’re not likely to come home from your next doctor’s appointment with a scribbled prescription for sex, it can be highly effective as a preventative measure and complementary treatment. Read on to find out what conditions you’re protecting yourself from every time you enjoy a roll in the hay.

1. Depression: Without the help of researchers, just about anyone can agree that sex will make you feel good about yourself and just a bit more confident. But one researcher has said there’s a scientific explanation that goes a bit farther. Professor Gordon Gallop says that there’s an unknown chemical in semen that has an antidepressant effect on women.
2. Pregnancy: Sex is both the cause and the cure for pregnancy. Women who are ready to induce labor often have sex to speed up the process, and research backs up this method. Semen contains prostaglandins, which help the cervix prepare to open, and orgasms produce oxytocin, which will help cause contractions.
3. Headaches: Although sex can sometimes bring on a headache, it can cure them too. The tension release your body experiences during and after sex can ease restricted blood vessels in the brain.
4. Menstrual cramps: Sex acts as an analgetic to relieve menstrual pain, primarily because of the relaxation and endorphins sex brings.
5. Arthritis: In his book, “How to Treat Arthritis with Sex and Alcohol,” rheumatologist Carter V. Multz asserts that sex, as well as alcohol and other complementary treatments, can reduce pain, swelling, and inflammation associated with arthritis.
6. Common cold: Manfred Schedlovski, a Swiss researcher from Zurich, asserts that sex has a positive effect on phagocytes, which are a part of the immune system that goes after alien bodies, like cold germs, and kills them. Phagocytes are increased signficantly during sex, and will often double after orgasm.
7. Stress: Orgasms offer a great way to relax, and even nonorgasmic sex offers some relief. Dr. Joshua Golden asserts sex’s relaxation properties, as well as emotional benefits.
8. Tooth decay: Kissing, as well as oral sex, encourages saliva production. This increase in saliva helps to wash food particles from your teeth, prevents plaque build-up, and helps lower decay-causing acid. Additionaly, seminal plasma has been shown to help prevent tooth decay.
9. Erectile dysfunction: By exercising your Kegel muscles with frequent sex and delaying ejaculation, men can help strengthen muscles enough to help with minor erection problems.
10. High blood pressure: Semen has been found to lower blood pressure in women. Specifically, swallowing semen can help ward off preeclampsia, which is a dangerously high blood pressure that sometimes occurs during pregnancy.
11. Insomnia: Many people find that the relaxation they experience after sex helps them go to sleep.
12. Prostate cancer: Men who ejaculate more frequently have been found to be at a lower risk of developing prostate cancer.
13. Hangovers: Sex may not save your liver, but it will help you shake off a funk. Having sex will help boost your endorphins and oxytocins, which stimulate muscle contraction and help you avoid aggressiveness.
14. Toxic system: Sex gets your blood pumping faster, which helps to rid the body of waste.
15. Heart disease: Studies have shown that if men have sex twice a week or more, they tend to have a lower risk of heart attack. For women, increased levels of estrogen caused by sex help to protect against heart disease.
16. Stubborn wounds: Studies have found that oxytocin, which is released during sex, can help wounds heal faster.
17. Low energy: Sex increases energy through exercise and emotional well-being.
18. Minor cognitive problems: Whenever you become sexually excited or have an orgasm, the hormone DHEA is released. DHEA has been found to improve cognition.
19. Skin irritations: The sweat released during sex will cleanse your pores, helping to relieve rashes, blemishes, and other skin problems.
20. Pain: Orgasm releases endorphins, which will alleviate pain for just about everything.
21. Obesity: Although few doctors are likely to prescribe a sex diet, the fact is that sex is a form of exercise. Performing the act of sex requires physical activity that will burn calories and strengthen your heart. It’s an especially great exercise for those who have little motivation to get to the gym.
22. Incontinence: Every time you have sex, you’re exercising your Kegel muscles, which are the same ones you use to stem the flow of urine.
23. Weak bones and muscles: Sex brings on a boost of testosterone, which helps to make your bones and muscles strong.
24. Semen allergy: Unfortunately, some women are allergic to their partner’s semen. However, along with other treatments, frequent sex has been found to work as an effective desensitization therapy for this allergy.
25. Death: That’s right, sex can help ward off death for men. Professor Stuart Brody reports that men who orgasm twice a week are half as likely to die as those who only orgasm once a month.

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Things Rachael and I argue about - wow, if you have a psycho girlfriend, this guy is there with you

This should have told me something...

Rachael left my room about half an hour ago. She just came back crying, saying "I've been crying for half an hour and you don't even care!" and then she stormed off. What just happened?

Dishes

Rachael just came into my room and said, "I wish we had bowls to give to the dog instead of using clean ones and don't wash them and just leave them on the floor." She then staired at me for about 30 seconds, before turning and leaving. Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the punchline. Was it a joke? Was it sarcasm? Did she want me to do something? So I asked her "Would you like me to do anything?" and she says "No." Now she's in the other room doing something so I guess I'll never hear the punchline.

Preview of things to come

The day after Rachael moved to DC, she went to the first day of her job. It was the same day I was going to a job interview. So after I pointed her in the right direction in the morning, I started getting ready for my interview; prepping resumes, taking a shower, grooming, et cetera. A little after noon, I headed out for my interview. The interview was in DC, so I had to leave an hour early to be punctual. She called me as I was heading into DC.

"Hey, they're letting me out early," she said. "Want to go to lunch?"

"I can't," I said sadly. "I'm on the way to my interview."

There was silence on the line, so I offered a suggestion.

"Come back to the apartment, and when I get home from the interview, we can go eat. Or you can fix something for yourself in the mean time. Either way."

More silence. Half a minute later, she responded. "I don't have a key to the apartment."
Uh oh. She's right. I didn't know they were letting her out early, or I would have left the door unlocked. It was my turn to be silent, as I tried to make a solution. I was just barely on track to making it to the interview. I weighed my options and decided that the job can wait; I need to take care of a friend. "No problem," I assured. "I'll go back and open the door." I turned my car around and headed back to my apartment.

A few minutes after we hung up, I got a text message from her that read:

"Thanks for being rude and yelling at me."

The day we signed our lease

It was raining outside, and Rachael decided to test me, like she likes to do. This time she wanted to see if I would be chivalrous and get the umbrella for her out of the car, in the pouring rain.

Rachael: Will you go get the umbrella for me?
Wally: How about this, I will run out to the car with you.
Rachael: (Pissed, and with a really sarcastic tone) I bet you would have gotten it for Ama
Wally: Ama wouldn't have asked me to get it
Rachael: Oh I forgot, I'm not perfect like your other friends

Privacy Bubble

Rachael likes to ask questions that prod us into a fight. For instance...

I closed my door a little while ago for privacy. Nothing big going on, just closed my door. She bursts into my room a little while later and said "I saw a spider and I was calling for you, why didn't you come?"

I have a feeling that she knew my door was closed, so she yelped quietly in order to highlight the fact that I couldn't hear her if my door is closed. Of course I fell into her trap and said, "Beacuse I couldn't hear you."

"Why was your door closed?" she demanded immediatly. It went downhill from there...she told me that I'm allowed to come into her room whenever I want, therefore, she should be able to come into my room. She was screeming so I told her to get out of my room, so I could resume relaxing. Of course she refused to, since she's determined that my space is rightfully her space. So I sorta tuned her out. I don't know how this ended because I ignored her until she left. Or did she leave? I dunno, she could still be behind me right now.

Bathroom door

Rachael: Why did you lock the bathroom door?
Me: for privacy?
Rachael: are you afraid I'm going to come in there?
Me: no, just a privacy thing
Rachael: yeah right, you don't trust me
Me: How did you know the door was locked?

Society

Rachael has entire conversations with herself, where she starts with an acusation against me, argues against my position, then makes a judgement, all in the same breath.

For instance, the second night in the new apartment, rachael says....

"You don't find me attractive do you. (two second pause). Wow, you really don't. You don't even need to say anything. Those girls in Maxim are much skinnier than me, that must be why you don't like me at all. Society has taught you what a perfect girl should look like, and you fell for it."

And yes, that was all said in the same breath, in about 20 seconds. I looked at her in disbelife, not knowing if I should justify the statment with a responce, or laugh at her, or wait for her to burst out laughing because it's so rediculous. But instead, she goes "I'm sorry I disguest you," and goes back to her room. Weird.

Rachael on reading

This was copy/pasted from instant messanger

me: I really should go read at the pool tonight. or tomorrow. or read period. my brain's going dumb.
Rachael: hrmmmmm i suppose i'm dumb then. thanks
me: um...once you tell me how that makes you dumb, then I'll say your welcome
Rachael: because i dont keep your mind intellectually stimulated

Your highness

Rachael was in the kitchen grabbing condiments for a meal...

me: can you get the salt while you're in there?
Rachael: what do you say?
me: huh?
Rachael: What do you say?
me: I don't understand
Rachael: What's the magic word?
me: What?
Rachael: You say 'please get the salt while you're in there'

This is probably the most offensive, insulting thing Rachael ever said to me. Unknowingly, Rachael revealed that she felt she is righteous enough to be a moral guide, who's so completely infallible that she is able to correct my etiquette, treating me like I am a misguided person who is in need of repair in order to be acceptable. It is perhaps a parent's obligation to teach their children how to be socially sound, as parents are the traditionally the authority on what a child should grow to be. Rachael tried to establish herself in this position, lowering me to the status of a child who doesn't know how to function in the world.

Displaying ads to make money off this atrocity

Stewie, my puppy

I've had my doggie, Stewie, since he was six weeks old. He's been through four moves with me, and he's my best friend. Rachael comes into my life for one month and says this gem:

Rachael: Does it upset you that Stewie loves me more than you?

Phobias

Okay, I have a weird fear of radiation. Seriouslly. I know it's weird, but that's just something about me. Rachael has panic attacks, and I always treat her gingerly when she has them. One day I made the mistake of telling her about one of my fears. One big note, Rachael has this thing where she refuses to take part in any of the blame. By this, she raises her passive-aggressivness a little to try to guilt me with sarcasm. For instance:

me: I have radiophobia
rachael: what?
me: the abnormal fear of ionized radiation. I've gotten better, but before I used to freak out when the microwave was on and I was in the same room
rachael: whatever
me: psh, I'm going to start saying "whatever" when you have panic attacks
rachael: i thought you were pulling my leg. but you already know about my panic attacks. (*full of sarcasm*) so if you want to do that ok

Ebay art, scandalous

rachael: what are you doing? (*caught you in the act look*)
me: looking at art on ebay
rachael: why?
me: huh?
rachael: why are you looking at art on ebay
me: just....because...?
rachael: is someone buying you some art? (*accusingly*)
me: no...?
rachael: are you buying art for someone?
me: no...?
rachael: then why are you looking at art on ebay?

Yay myspace

regarding Myspace...

Rachael: I noticed you filled out Abby's survey and not mine

Now & Laters (the candy)

Me: do you know where they sell Now&Laters?
Rachael: Why?
Me: ....so I can eat them?
Rachael: are you sure?
Me: uh...yeah
Rachael: is it for a girl?

Black people here

After working at her new job for a few weeks, Rachael told me "Black people here [in DC] are a lot different than the black people in New York."

Dude, seriouslly...wtf

Last night, July 11th...

Rachael: I'm not scared of you
Me: Okay...
Rachael: Does that intimidate you?
Me: Huh?
Rachael: Does it intimidate you that i'm not scared of you?
Me: .....no?

Uh...but bringing that up is kinda scary

Rachael on friday the 13th

Friday the 13th. Sheesh My Dad is throwing a private event. He's higherd a personal chef, and has requested each of the family members bring someone close. He even wants us to dress for the event. I don't quite understand the reason for him doing it. He asked me to bring some Health proxie information. Is he planning on announcing something bad? Does he have cancer? Does my Mom?

No matter the reason, this is a big family event, and my father asked me to bring someone close. I think my Dad is bringing his lawyer, and my mom is bringing the man that delivered my sister (I think). My sister is bringing her long-term boyfriend. I invited a near and dear family friend of 9 years to the event. I can't express how close my guest is to my family. She's almost a sister. My parents treat her as such, and her parents treat me as such. If something big is happening in my family, I want Ama to be there.

Ama asked me on facebook how to dress, and Rachael of course looked through my facebook, and saw that, and went batshit crazy. Keep in mind, I've known Rachael for three months, I've known Ama for 8 years. Take special notice of how Rachael takes ideas and runs with them.

RACHAEL: so we going to the rents this weekend?
ME: I'm going to some family dinner on sunday
RACHAEL: i'm not invited? you dont want me there? am i suppose to be giving you the benefit of the doubt in not wanting to be like other guys and hurt me right now? ME: Yup
RACHAEL: even though i'm not invited?
ME: Yup
RACHAEL: but ama is? thats pretty fucking hurtful
ME: Oh I get it, brb (this is where I delete my facebook acount.)
RACHAEL: whatever. you dont want me there ? what do you say to your parents that they wouldnt invite me?
ME: So, for my own edification, do you view a person inviting themselves to something as a personality flaw?
RACHAEL: no i'm not inviting myself at all. but thanks for inviting me and ama....oh no wait you just invited ama
ME: oh wait, you don't understand and you're assuming things again, and you're offending yourself, wooooooah
RACHAEL: whatever understand what? why dont you do that thing you do and explain it to me in that way you do
ME: I don't care to explain it...I don't want to expend the energy, and I shouldn't have to
RACHAEL: exactly. explaint he fact that you hurt me by that. and leaving me at home doesnt mean a damn thing to you. whatever. no explanation is going to change the fact that i mean so little to you (wow, martyr much?). so there is no reason to lie to my face anymore. i try to make it so things get better, and then you slam something like that into my face (victims complex much?) and obviously you knew it was wrong, so you didnt tell me the whole truth about what you were doing and with whom
ME: I know I havn't done anything wrong, and I'm kind of entertained that you're taking it this way. Especially since I know i havn't lied
RACHAEL: entertained that i was hurt?
ME: No, entertained by this crazy fabricated reality of yours
RACHAEL: whta did i fabricate? its not crazy, i was hurt. being hurt doesnt mean i'm crazy, stating a fact doesnt mean i'm crazy. is it true you are going to have a family dinner? is it true that you did not invite me? is it true that ama is going? is it true that you did not tell me this? i dont see where any of that is fabricated
ME: I did not invite you, ama is going, and I did not tell you that. Now, you are offended. Any reason you have for being offended is fabricated. Now, tell me why you're offended, and I'll tell you the assumptions you made
RACHAEL: i am offended that you did not invite me but that ama is going. i am offended that you do not want me to be there. i am offended that you did not tell me that she was going. that is all
ME: okay, you're in your own world, and there's nothing I can say to bring you out of that. you have maybe 2 percent of the facts, and you're basing everything on that. I don't care to explain the situation, and if you're punishing me based on that, I don't feel like I have a valid reason to be concerned that you're hurt
RACHAEL: what do you mean by 2 % of the facts? i'm not punishing you by no means, i'm venting my hurt
ME: I could tell you why, but what's the point? you already made your decision to be angry. I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't feel like I need to defend myself. you keep thinking what you want to think

And that's where I stopped. I can't take it anymore. At least not without sedatives

What are you doing?

Rachael came into my room late last night, to put some cortizone cream on.

Rachael: I thought you were going to bed
me: yeah in a little
Rachael: Whatcha doing?
me: editing some Flash files
Rachael: what else are you doing
me: reading my email
Rachael: What were you doing before that
me: playing some Warcraft
Rachael: someone's talking to you on AIM
me: Joey's telling me something about Warcraft
Rachael: I think Kari's talking too
me: yeah, she asked me about Transformers.
Rachael: you're talking to her now?
me: nope, that was about an hour ago
Rachael: why are you sitting so close to the computer?

(arrrgggggg. what is she getting at?)

Very niiice

We were watching Borat last night. This particular scene occurs when the humor specialist is teaching Borat about "Not" jokes, and "Mother in law" jokes.

Borat's Teacher: Here in America, we don't find it appropriate to make fun
of mentally retarded people. We don't make fun of things that people can't choose
Rachael: [With stunned disbeliefe] What!

Social Bookmarking

July 17th update

Rachael: I need to go to eckerd and wachovia
me: sweeeeet
Rachael: is that doable for you?
me: Ohhhhhh you want me to go. sure
Rachael: oh nevermind
me: ...okey dokes
Rachael: i just thought you had to go to eckerd as well
me: i do
Rachael: yeah so why not do it together???
me: we can, but you said never mind

/palmface

Bullfighting

July 18th. Rachael constantly tries her best to make me feel like an evil person. Okay here's the story. When I was in highschool, I went to Spain, and there was a tour. One stop was an ampetheater, where we admired the architecture. Then the tour guide took us in and sat us around the concrete coliseum. It ended up being a bull fight. Since going, I have forever swore off bullfighting as a "sport", and I decided to tell Rachael how much I hated the activity of bullfighting.

Me: Bullfighting can hardly be considered a sport. It's more of a grotesque theater for killing the bull. The bull stands no chance. At the beginning, the matadors-in-training stab the bull in the back until it's back muscles are weak. Then armored horses come and jab it a few times. Then the matador comes in, and if he's in trouble, a whole army of people are there to flag the bull down. There is no contest, no sport.
Rachael: You went to a bullfight?
Me: If you can call it a "fight," yes.
Rachael: You actually paid to get in?
Me: Yeah
Rachael: Then you're as bad as the people who support dog fighting.

I denounce bullfighting, which means I support animal cruelty?

Christmas Presents

Several things you need to know about this one. 1) Ama made me a scarf for my birthday. 2) Rachael and I keep having arguments on gift giving. She seems to be in the school of thought where a more expensive present means more love.

Rachael: *looking through a catalog* Hey look at this *points to an expensive gizmo*
Me: That's pretty hot!
Rachael: I'm going to get you this for Christmas
Me: No no, that's so expensive, don't get me that for Christmas. Don't feel like you have to get me anything for Christmas Few seconds where she gets all silent and shakes her head Me: What's wrong?
Rachael: I want to get you that, but apparently it's not good enough for you

Oh oh, it gets better!

Me: I really don't want anything for Christmas. I don't measure friendship based on the expensiveness of a present
Rachael: Do you let other friends give you presents?
Me: I guess?
Rachael: Then why do you accept it from them, but you won't accept a present from me?
Me: Because it's not a big deal to me. It's just a present, and I'd rather you save money
Rachael: Well I'm sorry if I don't know how to make a scarf *storms off*

Martial Law

Okay, so LC (her dog) always gets up on the counters and sniffs for food, and then Rachael and I have to spank her. One day I cooked some lemon pepper chicken for Rachael and I. I came into my room with food and started to eat. Then Rachael said "where is LC?" and I said "She's out in the living room" and rachael gives me this you're-stupid look and then she says "So you left the dog out there with the hot stove so she can burn herself?"

I say let the damm dog figure it out. That would teach it real quick why it's bad to get up on the counters. I garuntee she'd never go for the counter anymore. In fact, if I had thought of it before, I think I would have turned the stoves on, on PURPOSE, to teach the dog never to get on the counters. What's better: one half-second burn, or a life time of spankings because she doesn't know getting on the counter is bad?

Who else thinks that is horrible parenting?

Sleeping on the couch

I dug up this gem of a conversation. It happened when we were still living in the 1 bedroom apartment back in May-ish.

Rachael (11:05:43 PM): i think it would be best if i start sleeping on the couch
me (11:04:06 PM): w3rd
Rachael (11:09:39 PM): i suppose you're happy i'm sleeping on the couch?
me (11:10:00 PM): no, but I bet you think I'm happy that you're sleeping on the couch
Rachael (11:10:26 PM): i dont know what you think i cant read your mind remember?!
me (11:11:13 PM): yeah I know but you always think the worst
Rachael (11:11:30 PM): i'm not thinking the worst. why do you always have to put me in that category?
me (11:11:38 PM): you think that I'm happy that you're sleeping on the couch
Rachael (11:11:53 PM): i am not, i'm asking you
me (11:11:56 PM): why would you even think that? that's a silly thing to even think
Rachael (11:12:20 PM): because i dont want to sleep on the fucking couch!
me (11:12:31 PM): then why the heck would you sleep out there?

Instant Messanger

Last night (July18th), Rachael saw a girl she didn't like online. Rachael then logged off. Then she came into my room ...

Rachael: why are you on AIM? I'm not there

The ideal sense of humor

So, Rachael and I once again had an arguement, where she says she cares for me, and I feel like she's treating me like shit. The arguments go like this: 1) She says she cares for me 2) I let her know that I don't feel like she cares for me when she disrespects me 3) She refutes my claim, asking for an example

In this example, I cite a joke Rachael told earlier in the day, where I saw a bee and Rachael said "I wish that bee would sting your dick and make it bigger." I use it to help explain how she disrespects me.

Rachael: What do I do that's offensive?
Me: For instance, earlier, you said the thing about the bee
Rachael: That was a joke, but some how you think I'm evil for it
Me: You don't see how it may be offensive?
Rachael: Everyone else thinks I'm funny, but you don't get it. People love my sense of humor.
Me: By that logic, you feel like you can go anywhere any everyone will say you have a great sense of humor.
Rachael: Well, if you see an orange, and you call it a banana, that would be pretty fucking rediculous.
First off, ouch. Second off, how egotistical can you be to assume your sense of humor is the touchstone of humor? Like, she actually feels her humor is perfect. The worst part is she truely truely feels this way.

"Usually when a person says they have an excellent sense of humor, they're telling us how unfunny they are" -Dave Berry

Rachael the sexist

Rachael and I some how started talking about how lionesses were the ones that hunted:

Rachael: Women are better equiped to hunt.
Me: (supporting her ideas like I always do) That may be true, women have a higher tolerance for pain.
Rachael: so do you know why men go to war and women stay home?
Me: Why?
Rachael: Because it only takes one man to impregnate many females, but a female can only be pregnant once at a time. Women are more valuble than men.
Me: The reason why men protect the women is because there is nothing more defenseless than a pregnant female.
Rachael: Way to take something positive I was saying about women and making it sexist.

Don't say "woman"

I just told Rachael that one of the great things about DC is there are a lot of strong, empowered women. Rachael responded, "Don't say that word." I asked her what she meant and she said "the word 'woman' is offensive."
(That is a direct quote, and she really did say it)

Woman issues

In my "group dynamics" class in college, one fact we learned is that 90% of the males in prison come from single-parent homes. That isn't me giving social commentary or political statement, it's just a fact. So just like everything I learned in college, I bring it with me, to help evalute situations, and to aid me as I learn more, and possibly reshape the facts I learned.
It's always sad to see a broken home, and I wish there was something I could do about it, but it's not my place to do anything, or even judge. All I can do is make sure I'm a good father when I get to that point.
So my neighbor is a single mother with a son. I see this and I say "It's sad to see a single mother with a boy."
Rachael's sarcastic response: "Why, because that boy is going to grow up to learn how to treat women right?"

Heh...

Me: I'm going to wake up around 3 AM, do my daily tasks, then pass out right after work
Rachael: But then you wouldn't see me
Me: That's the only way I can make my schedule work
Rachael: But we can't see each other, why would you want that?

If she did it, this is how she'd do it

This is citing from memory so it's not 100% acurate, but it's as close to acurate as I can remember; but this conversation did in fact happen. It was after we moved to the new apartment and just before we started playing warcraft for the night. One night Rachael said "If I ever wanted to get back at you, know how I'd do it?"
I respond "no" because that's like, a really weird thing to talk about.
She said something to the effect of "I won't do it now, but this is what I'd do. I'd call the FBI and report you for child porn."
"What?" I asked in super disbelief.
"And you know how I'd do it?
"No," I said, not even wanting to imagine something that gross.
"I'd download it onto your computer when you weren't around. There's no way you would be able to defend yourself."

Not only is that a supreme abuse of the law, but that's the most disgusting thing I could imagine. Who the fuck would ever download that kind of thing? Even worse, who'd think of doing that as revenge?

Eating

The other night, Rachael and I woke up from a late nap. It was about 9:30 PM on a weekend. Groggy, I suggested we go to a dinner. She agreed. We didn't say much because we were both tired.

During dinner, my friend called, and I answered. It was Juice, and he just finished reading Narcissos. When I write, sometimes I copy and paste tidbits that I've written down before and want to reuse, which occasionally means I repeat myself. He noticed this in Narcissos, and told me about it, and we both had a good laugh. We hung up the phone when my dinner came, and I noticed Rachael was giving me a horendous evil-eye.

Now, I can imagin and overly sensitive person getting upset because I inturrupted dinner. That would make sense. But no, she got upset because my friend made me laugh, and she hadn't. Like, she got angry with me because she wasn't the one that made me laugh. She got so angry that she got up and left dinner.

Drama queen

Okay, you know when you accidently email the wrong person, or respond to the wrong person on instant messanger? That happened with rachael. I was talking to Kim, but accidently sent the convo to Rachael.

me: ask him where he works he says he's an executive I'mma look him up
Rachael: who?
me: LOL oops. kim is talking about this guy she met on match.com who's lying about all his stuff rachael: oh. sorry
me: sorry about what?
rachael: being in the way of the conversation. or interrupting with my conversation

Rachael's family in town, Part 1

Rachael's family's in town, and there are a few gems I would like to share. this one's easy so I'll do it first.

Me to Rachael's Mom: Smile for the camera!
Rachael's Mom: I don't like to smile

Rachael's family in town, Part 2

Rachael and her family took me to an Orioles vs Yankees game. It was kinda fun. Before hand, we went to a skybox where we all drank and ate for free, which was included in our ticket. The game started, and her father and I were still eating and drinking. She decided she wanted to go to our seats while her father and I finished drinking.

Okay sooo about 15 minutes later, he and I are done. On the way to our seats, we buy two more beers each (there's a two beer limit per person). We're double fisting!

We get back to the seats, and Rachael, in full accusation mode, goes "Where's my beer." I look down, and she has two beers of her own, that she got from a vendor.
"Uh, you have beer," I said.
"I know, because I knew you wouldn't get me one." Keep in mind, these are acurate, exact quotes.
Her sister was there too, and saw Rachael was upset, so she chimed in. "What's wrong Rachael?"
Rachael sat and huffed and didn't answer, so I did. "She's upset because I got beer and didn't bring her any."
Her sister saw that Rachael had a beer in her hand and said "But you have a beer."
I put that smug look on my face that said "You're right," and let Rachael stew on her own.

At the movies

Kari, Rachael, and I went to see the movie Hot Fuzz. Kari sat on my right and Rachael sat on my left. Half way through the movie, I thought Kari was trying to whisper something to I turned to look at her. It turns out Kari wasn't saying anything, so I turned back to watch the movie. Rachael then says "What were you looking at?"

Once again looking at other people's stuff

This is the same reason I deleted my myspace, and deleted my facebook. She reads through everyone's stuff, gets things out of context, and gets all silly

Rachael: so whats wrong with jessica?
me: huh
Rachael: she was like 'i'm not done with you yet' and then she was like 'you arent online still'
me: huh? she said that to you?
Rachael: no goofy it was on her away message
me: I don't know...you should ask her
Rachael: i figured you knew 'cause its you shes talking about, and if she isnt done with you yet, then there was stuff before that
Rachael: oh well no biggie guess you just dont want to tell me

Don't want to tell you what? You're the one telling ME about it!

On being bipolar

I forgot when this one happened. One time Rachael and I were driving to Arlington. We were talking about paxil, and she said something to the effect of "Bipolar people take [drug] but I'm not bipolar. I take [drug] for the anxiety." She said that she's not bipolar with emphasis.
Then I responded with "I don't care if you're bipolar."
Then she raised her voice. "But I'm NOT bipolar!"
So I said "Fine you're not. I don't care."
So again she said "I just hate it when people say I'm bipolar"
So I responded "It doesn't matter. Not like it's a big deal"
then she got angry and said "But I'm NOT!!!"


Sheesh

Dog poo

Late July. Our next door neighbor has several sisters that come over. One of the sisters is pregnant. Rachael took her dog out, then came back in. She came into my room and looked at me with this super serious glare.

Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: Huh?
Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: What do you mean
Rachael: The neighbors just yelled at me. Their daughter stepped in dog poo. So you have to start cleaning up your dog's poo outside. [She was ANGRY with me]
Me: Why are you taking it out on me?
Rachael: Because they yelled at me!
Me: [I pause to let it sink in that she should take it out on me. I think she got the point. To diffuse the charged atmosphere, I tried to get her talking about it. Hopefully it will make her feel better...] Which nighbor yelled at you? The pregnant one?
Rachael: No, the hot skinny blond one, because I know that's what you're thinking

I don't even know where to begin to correct her on that one.

Are you into BBW?

This happened in mid-may, and I just now remembered it.
Rachael feels that she is always right, and defends herself to the death when someone tells her she's wrong. For instance, it is her oppinion that I am superficial. Ever since I first refuted this claim, she has come up with every argument possible to prove to me that I am superficial. This is word-for-word an argument she used:

Rachael: When you look at porn, what kind of porn do you look at?
me: ...
Rachael: do you look at skinny chicks?

Projections

Last night, July 25th.

Rachael: I'm hungry
Me: Then go eat
Rachael: What?
Me: If you're hungry, then go get something to eat
Rachael: Stop pushing me away
Me: How am I pushing you away? I'm sitting still
Rachael: You're mentally pushing me away

This goes hand in hand with a previous aim argument where she sorta makes up things (about two months ago)

(insert a 20 minute argument about Rachael feeling like I don't think she's attractive)
Me: I didn't say you're not attractive. You're the one saying that
Rachael: no you say it
Rachael: not by mouth

Time to delete myspace again?

July31st. Katie is Brad's girlfriend. They both live in Clemson. Katie has a myspace picture up, which is rare, because she usually doens't like pictures of herself. I posted a comment that said "Am I even allowed to comment on this!" because I don't want to piss Brad off.
Below is my comment, followed by Katie's responce.

Rachael's take:

Rachael: So who's Katie?
Me: Who?...OH you mean on myspace?
Rachael: Yeah
Me: It's Brad's girlfriend
Rachael: Her myspace says she's single.
Me: Well...she's not
Rachael: But you are attracted to her?
Me: Huh?
Rachael: You said she lost weight on her pictures
Me: She has, but I didn't say that
Rachael: then why did she say you did?
Me: She said that she had lost weight
Rachael: But she also thanked you for saying good things about her.

Aaaaaaarg!!!!

On Hugging

One of the things Rachael can't stand about me is the way I hug. When I hug people, one of the things I do is pat their back with one hand. It's a completely built-in thing; I don't do it on purpose, it's just something I do. I feel that I do it to show more affection, or more interaction. Anyway, whenever I hug Rachael, I pat her on the back and she gets really really upset, saying it "shows you don't care about me."

Our Song

Rachael just IM'd me and told me that our song was on the radio. Then I asked what song, and whatever it was she answered with I swear to God I've never heard of it in my life. Like....how did that random ass song become our song without me ever hearing it?

Singing

So last night (August 2nd) I'm writing, or doing something, on my computer. Rachael leaves my room to do something in the kitchen.

Rachael: (Sing song voice to the puppy, LC) LC, you are so cute and dancing! why are you dancing!
me: (to rachael and puppy in the other room) Hehehehehhe!!
Rachael:(Sing song voice) LC, daddy's having a conversation [on AIM] with someone while we're not in the room and he's laughing about it.
me: I'm laughing at you saying LC is dancing
Rachael: (Sing song voice) LC, now daddy's trying to pretend he's been paying attention to us!

Vegetarian

Jessica is another good friend of mine from Clemson. I've known her almost as long as I've known Ama. Jessica was my roomy for about two years, and before that, she was "the guy on the couch" which is awesome.

So, a few days ago, Rachael and I decided to be a vegetarian to loose some of unhealthy weight. I like telling this to people in my usual jovial manner, like "GUESS WHAT! I'M A VEGI-SAURUS!" and everyone gets a good laugh, and I feel pretty funny.

Now, check out this conversation:

Rachael: [my name] and i are going vegitarian
Jessica: lol

Then, Rachael comes crying to me:

Rachael: jessica is laughing that we are eating vegetarian (Hehehe, yeah it's pretty silly that i'm going vegetarian)...Whatever (woooooah, slam on the breaks. she's pissed about it. well, it's okay I'll explain it)
me: she's probably laughing with because she's a veggi too. or was
Rachael: no she is apparently and laughing at you not eating meat and id ont think there is anything funny
me: I think you are mistranslating it
Rachael: hrm. ok. it must be me then (ug, with the martyr complex again!)
...pause...
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt think you can be a vegetarian. so then i suppose she thinks i'm forcing it on you (what! hahahahahhaha where did that come from. Yes, Rachael actually said that)
me: she told you that she thinks you're forcing it on me?
Rachael: she said 'as long as i've known [my name] he has eaten lots and lots of chicken, so i dont see him not going without it' (hehe, sounds like my Jessica!)
Rachael: but you arent going without it so thats why i'm confused in the humor
me: I think you don't see the humor because you're in a bad mood
Rachael: actually i wasnt in a bad mood
Rachael: thanks (woohoo, sarcastic "thanks")
Rachael: explain the humor to me?
Rachael: because i didnt get it and somehow that makes me freakin' stupid or a bitch (awww, cry more please)
me: how does that make you stupid, or a bitch?
Rachael: because you've changed your talkign to me, talking down. i dont get it! whats so funny about it?
me: well basiclly I know she's not laughing at me. so if she laughed, it's with me
Rachael: well what are you two laughing at that i'm not?
me: huh (really, I can't comprehend what's going on in her head)
Rachael: you said she is laughing with you
me: someone can laugh out loud, and not make it at someone's expense. that's what this is
Rachael: well then obviously i dont get it and you wont tell me (it's a big secret! I won't tell her that Jessica is laughing with me and not at me. omg! Also, I know who assasinated Kennedy)
Rachael: so you will talk down to me instead (*scratches head and scrolls up, looking for me talking down to her*) my apologies for being a dumbass as usual (you got it right on the nose that time, martyr)
me: okay, you know the thousands of times you've said something, and I've responded "lol"? (translation: can I dumb this down for you a lot?) this is exactly like that. I'm not laughing at you when I say lol
Rachael: i just get defensive when someone laughs about a decision i made in my life for the better (dude.... She. Was. Not. Laughing. At. You.)
me: she's not laughing at
Rachael: and i was hoping that you were serious about it like i am (What I am getting from this is "Because Jessica is not laughing at us, you are not taking this seriouslly")
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt see you ever doing it
me: nope . she's laughing a response like I do all the time
me: none of my friends have ever laughed at me. I promise you that
Rachael: well maybe she wasnt laughing at you in particular, maybe it was the fact that she doesnt see you doing it and that it was forced on you by me so she thinks its funny (again, where did that come from?) and you think its funny (huh?) so its making me feel like i have to defend my choice (not my fault you're a dummy)
me: I still don't see how you think she thinks you're forcing it on me
Rachael: SHE DOESNT SEE YOU BEING A VEGETARIAN
me: soooo?
Rachael: nevermind. you dont get how it made me feel, and its nothing to get into. not worth it
me: I get exactly how you feel, and I'm telling you that you shouldn't feel that way, and explaining why. How could I not know how you feel? you told me like, a dozen times (the convo sorta ends here. Either she decided to stop fighting about it, she vented enough to feel better, or she realized why she shouldn't be upset. The convo sorta neutraled out after that)

Vegitarian, continued

August 2nd. This conversation is in regards to the previous argument, about vegitarianism. I had talked to Jessica to find out if Jessica was laughing at me. When Rachael picked me up from the metro...

Rachael: Did you tell Jessica what we were talking about?
Me: I didn't copy-paste our conversation, if that's what you're asking. But yes, I did tell her what we were talking about
Rachael: I know you did
Me: If you knew, then why did you ask?
Rachael: Because I wanted to see if you'd lie about it

The Day Rachael Moved Out

Everyone's been asking what in the world happened, so here it is.

Now, before I start explaining about the day Rachael moved out, I'll be fair. About a month ago, Rachael recognized how huge of a turn off her craziness has been, and has tried to rectify it. Her assaults on my personality went from a daily occurance, to an every-other-day occurance, then a sharp decrease to once every few weeks. She conciouslly made the decision of "is this worth fighting about" and resisted, which made living with her a LOT easier.

Okay, now to the story. Saturday, August 4th. We were both nursing wine hangovers. We went to the pool. After about four hours of sitting at the pool, swimming, and sweating out the hangover, a girl showed up. It's a girl I met before who tried to talk to me, but out of respect to Rachael, I ignored her. Rachael saw this and tried to get me to leave. I was very quiet. Rachael asked if I was upset because of the girl, and I said yes. About five minutes later, tension is growing between Rachael and I. Rachael (sarcasticlly?) says "I'll go tell her that you like her, since it's obvious you want nothing to do with me." I told her no, flat out. That's bad form on so many levels. After another minute of tension, she says something to the effect of "Do I really not mean anything to you?" I don't remember exactly what she said, but it doesn't really matter. The end result is the same: she stood up and said "I'm going to go tell her you're an asshole, and that you broke my heart."

She stood up and walked accross the pool to go tell the girl.

For journalistic integrity reasons, I'll admit that I didn't actually see her say anything to the girl. During this time I was getting dressed, and leaving the pool as quickly as possible.

I storm back to my apartment, with Rachael close behind me. I go into my room and close and lock the door. Rachael knocks on the door and says she needs her phone. I give her the phone the push the door closed again. Rachael says through the door "Why won't you talk to me!?"
I again don't remember the exact words, but I said something to the effect of "Because I don't want to be around you right now."
Through tears, she said "You're hurting me!" to which I wanted to say "Now you feel the way I do," but I think instead I said "Good."

A few minutes later I went to take my puppy out. She tried to block my way. I tried to move around her but she refused to let me pass; and with me refusing to push her out of the way because I couldn't lift a finger against a woman, I had to rely on words. I told her "You and I are not dating. You and I will never date. I care about you a lot, but we are not more than friends."

Then, she made a big scene about going back to New York. I feel like she was hoping I'd stop her, although that's just speculation on my part. In any event, instead of stopping her, I went to make sure she had enough gas in her car, I helped put her dog in the car, and asked when she'd be back.

She left about ten minutes later, and I went to dinner. She called me about half an hour later, while I was at dinner, saying she was coming back. I told her I might not be there when she got back.

Another half an hour later, I get a call from Jessica (yeah, Jessica) telling me that Rachael was moving out.

Sunday, Rachael's friend came down from New York and moved her out.

I got a roommate in order to help ease my financial strain. In order to accomodate two people, I moved into a two bedroom. Now I'm paying rent for two people. But I guess that's a small price to pay for my sanity.

And I thought it was over...

Rachael moved out. That is a story in itself. But look at this conversation. She is completely unhelpable.

Rachael (12:02:39 PM): if your fear of dying has subsided, whats next?
Me (12:09:37 PM): I don't have a fear of dying
Rachael (12:09:53 PM): i wasnt saying you didd
Me (12:09:56 PM): oh..let's see...after fear of dying goes away, then uh...go conquer the world? people who arn't afraid of death are wholey unstoppable
Rachael (12:10:43 PM): but if you have nothing to live for........
Me (12:11:36 PM): then you have nowhere to go but up
Rachael (12:11:48 PM): now that doesnt make much sense. premature babies, brain trama patients, etc. if they have a will to live then its possible.....if they dont........what if that part of you is gone:?
Me (12:14:19 PM): give up?
Rachael (12:14:36 PM): hrm
Rachael (12:16:17 PM): its stupid that i have to talk to you about this because i have no one else to talk to, and then i realize you dont fucking give a shit, thats why i'm here, and I'm sorry .... I wont


QQ more, why don't you

From far away

Alright, a few days ago, I photoshopped a picture of a Warcraft character reading Science Magazine. Science is the magazine I work for. The Science editors absolutly loved it, because they just did an issue on social sciences of online gaming. The art department called me up shortly after, asking if I could illustrate their next article. The positive reception of my work truly humbled me.

I used Joey's Warcraft character to take the screenshot, then took a picture of myself holding a Science magazine, then photoshopped the two together. Below is the picture...




I showed all of my friends this picture and everyone was very complimentary, and I am very thankful. I made the mistake of showing Rachael, who was immediatlly offended that I didn't use her warcraft character to take the screen shot. (This won't make sense out of context, so I put contextual stuff inside [] brackets. The original convo is at the end.)

Rachael: too bad [my warcraft character] wasnt reading [the magazine], maybe next time i'll be implemented into something important in your life

(Original statment, unedited)
Rachael: okay signing off.........too bad diee wasnt reading it, maybe next time i'll be implemented into something important in your life

Myspace

Rachael (7:18:59 PM): soooo how come i'm like 25 on your myspace now? did i do something ?
Me (7:18:59 PM): OH
Me (7:19:00 PM): nope
Me (7:19:03 PM): remember they're all random
Rachael (7:19:25 PM): they were random now they are changed
Rachael (7:20:11 PM): that makes them not random anymore

Why must she always try to diffuse my diplomacy?

And that myfriends, is the last thing either of us said before I went into hiding

You decide

One day, Rachael told me "Since I've gotten here, all I've done is love you, and all you've done is judge me." I realized that Rachael has a skewed view on reality. I decided I should archive what happened, because otherwise it's just her word against mine. So I wrote this blog, writing down most of the little things she does that makes her a psychotic person.

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dude wtf, hahaha, we get more hits WITHOUT posting alot

Summary (Interesting Things for You to Re)

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travellersside's profile - StumbleUpon

travellersside's profile - StumbleUpon

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gentlemancole's profile - StumbleUpon

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Why do we have wisdom teeth? - Simple Curiosity? - SimpleCuriosity.com - Tickle your thinking bone.

Tucked away at the back of your mouth are the the heavy mashers of the enamel world.

Anthropologists believe that your third set of molars (wisdom teeth), are the evolutionary answer to your ancestor’s early diet of coarse, rough food – like leaves, roots, and the occasional wiry squirrel – which required some major chewing power and resulted those little front teeth being worn down to useless nubbins in no time.

Your current diet with its softer foods and yogurt products (something your distant ancestors would have loved), along with marvels of modern technologies such as forks, knives, and Tom LeLanes new super-quite Juicer have relegated wisdom teeth to the status of just another lowly dental scare tactic. As a result, evolutionary biologists now classify wisdom teeth as vestigial organs, or body parts that have become functionless due to evolution. You know, like your coccyx.

From baby teeth to permanent teeth, tooth development lasts years. While your first molar erupts around the age of six and the second molar pokes it’s head above gum at around the age of 12, wisdom teeth, which begin forming around your tenth birthday usually don’t erupt until you are between the ages of 17 and 25. Because this is the age that you stop putting your body parts inside pencil sharpeners and pulling the ear hair out of feral dogs, the set of third molars has been nicknamed “wisdom teeth.”

Some people never get wisdom teeth, leading to the term ‘non-wisdom teeth people’, but for those who do, they may sprout anywhere from one to four – and, on very rare occasions, more than four. If you’re one of the unfortunates who get these extraneous, or supernumerary, teeth, it can lead to all sorts of problems.

Since human jaws are smaller than they used to be (possibly due to fashion), when wisdom teeth form they often become impacted, or suppressed, by the other teeth around them. (Evidently teeth are imperialist capitalists whose only wish is to subjugate their immediate neighbors.) If the tooth only partially erupts, food gets trapped in the gum tissue surrounding it which creates a perfect little home for bacteria leading to the potential for a serious infection and really bad breath. (Some people have bad breath without this.)

American Association of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons estimates that about 85 percent of wisdom teeth will eventually need to be removed. This dovetails nicely with the fact that Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons are the ones who remove them.

The association recommends that patients remove wisdom teeth around 15 to 18 in order to “prevent future problems and to ensure optimal healing” and because no one cares if teenagers can’t talk for a week.

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2b7fa12140fbad3f160cfe86824002fb.jpg (JPEG Image, 750x427 pixels)

2b7fa12140fbad3f160cfe86824002fb.jpg (JPEG Image, 750x427 pixels)

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