A student asked Suzuki Roshi why the Japanese make their teacups so thin and delicate that they break easily. "It's not that they're too delicate," he answered, "but that you don't know how to handle them. You must adjust yourself to the environment, and not vice versa."
INTERESTING THINGS FOR YOU AT NIGHT PART 2 + 3 (ULTIMATE EXPANSION)
Japan Video Games Blog
TO THOSE WHO DON'T WANT THEIR WORK PROMOTED
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Thursday, March 27, 2008
Its developments like this that make us love what we do – write about off beat property developments.
Songjiang hotel is a jaw dropping highly innovative design of a 400-bed, five-star resort hotel set in a lush deep, water-filled quarry in the Songjiang district of China (close to Shanghai). This impressive concept conceived by Bristol based Atkins Design Studio, was inspired by the natural water and landscape features of the quarry it is to be set in.
The structure’s foundation would be laid into the 100 metre deep quarry and sprout out two levels higher than the rock face of the quarry. This would enable it afford several underwater public areas, restaurants and guestrooms facing a ten-metre deep aquarium, that would present an enviable aquatic design theme both visually and functionally.
The first thing to do when you need to deal with a controlling person is understand that the need to control comes from a place of fear, of weakness, not of strength. A person operating from a place of strength has no need to control others.
The fear that causes someone to be controlling is generally one of two kinds: fear of failure (if I'm not running everything, then it will all go to pieces) or fear of showing their weakness (if I don't control this person, they will find my weaknesses and control me). The way to treat those fears differs, although both involve letting go, but this isn't about how to fix someone being controlling, it's about how to deal with them.
Controlling people have a sliding scale along which they place each person they encounter, a scale that runs from vastly inferior to vastly superior, with the very center being those that are unknown. People on the low end of the scale are safe to manipulate, while those at the high end are to be obeyed (and maybe even feared).
People are placed on this scale (and moved on it) based on their behavior... if your behavior shows strength and confidence, you move up the scale, but if your behavior shows weakness and uncertainty, you will move down it. Much of this behavior is subconscious, and is even shared with many types of animals.
The girl in the picture, for instance, is clearly showing her submission... leaning away, head tilted downward, eyes raised and barely able to look at the man. The man, on the other hand, is showing aggressive, dominant behavior... leaning forward to look down on her, teeth bared, finger in her face, etc.
There is also a place between these two extremes... your behavior can show your dominance without being aggressive. If you stand with your back straight, confidently meeting the eyes of whomever you encounter, speaking strongly and clearly, then you will come across as being high on the scale, without having to be a jerk (though being a jerk to someone who is controlling can often place you above them on their scale, it is a temporary placement... they will not respect you, and without respect, they are simply looking for a way to maneuver around you to a superior position).
If you want to stop someone from controlling you, then, you need to adopt behavior which shows them that you are higher on the scale than they consider themselves (or so strong that you actually are off the scale, but that's much harder both to learn and to do). You can easily figure out what that behavior is by mentally picturing someone of strength and confidence... picture them standing, moving, and reacting. The behaviors you picture are the ones that you should aim to adopt.
When you first change your behavior in this manner, the controlling person's first reaction is often to try to drag (usually through guilt) or push (often through angry reactions) you back down the scale to where you were. Don't back down, though... even if you don't feel the confidence you're projecting, their very reaction shows that you are having an effect, and when you understand that, and that they are indeed seeing what you are projecting, that itself can cause you to grow into that very confidence. In people behavior and attitude are interdependent: as your attitude changes, so does your behavior, but the reverse is true as well... as your behavior changes, your attitude slowly follows.
The new strength and confidence that you find as you change your behavior can help you across all aspects of your life, too... it may give you the confidence to ask for a raise, or the strength to do something about the state of your relationship.
So, in parting, I'll leave you with a small list of things that can help you project that image of the strong, confident person that you want to be:
Stand Up Straight
Meet People's Eyes Directly
Speak Clearly And Strongly
Don't Back Up When People Invade Your Personal Space
And a mental one:
Every Time You Think Of Failure, Think Of Success
More detail on that list may be forthcoming in another article in the near future.
Date updated: March 30, 2007
Content provided by Revolution Health Group ...50 Calories
1. 15 grapes
2. 8-ounce brewed coffee with 1 tablespoon half-and-half and 1 teaspoon sugar
3. 2 slices (about 1 1/2 ounces) turkey breast
4. 1 cup steamed asparagus or broccoli
5. 2 cups light microwave popcorn
1. 8 ounces (1 cup) Gatorade
2. 1 cup canned chicken noodle soup
3. 1 hard-boiled egg
4. 3 ounces broiled catfish, cod, grouper, orange roughy or mahi-mahi
5. 1 Fudgsicle, Creamsicle or Pudding Pop
1. 1 veggie burger (Morningstar Farms Grillers Original)
2. 1 slice (2 1/4 ounces) thin-crust cheese pizza
3. 1/4 cup raisins
4. 10 tortilla chips (about 1 ounce)
5. 19 chocolate-covered espresso beans
|What She Says||What She Means|
|We need||I want|
|It's your decision||The correct decision should be obvious by now|
|Do what you want||You'll pay for this later|
|We need to talk||I need to complain|
|You're...so manly||You need a shave and you sweat a lot|
|You're certainly attentive tonight!||Is sex all you ever think about?|
|I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!||I've got my period|
|This kitchen is so inconvenient||I want a new house|
|I want new curtains||and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...|
|I need wedding shoes||the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white|
|Hang the picture there||No, I mean hang it there!|
|I heard a noise||I noticed you were almost asleep|
|Do you love me?||I'm going to ask for something expensive|
|How much do you love me?||I did something today you're not going to like|
|I'll be ready in a minute||kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV|
|Is my butt too big?||Tell me I'm beautiful|
|You have to learn to communicate||Just agree with me|
|I'm sorry||You'll be sorry|
|Do you like this recipe?||It's easy to fix so you'd better get used to it|
|I'm not yelling!||Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important|
|All we're going to buy is a soap dish||It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?|
Some girls can’t help but flirt. It doesn’t matter who they’re talking to or how they like the looks of him, get them talking to any guy and their eyelashes will start to flutter.
You can’t really blame them. If all it took for me to get my own way was to giggle and thrust my chest out, I don’t think I’d ever stop.
But it’s not much help to us men.
We’ve all read articles about female body language. We know how to spot if a girl is flirting with us and we’ve been told that means that she fancies us. Now it turns out that that isn’t necessarily true.
So how do you go about recognizing which are the compulsive flirts and which girls are genuinely hot for you?
Well, I’m about to tell you.
The first thing to remember is that some body language cannot be faked. Sure, she can twirl her hair and hold your gaze, but there are certain signals which only genuinely interested girls give out.
Start by looking into her eyes. If she likes the looks of you her eyebrows will twitch momentarily upwards in greeting and her pupils will quickly dilate. Her focus will begin darting between your left and right eyes and occasionally down to your lips.
Check her skin. If her blood’s pumping excitedly, her neck and chest will become slightly flushed and she may be more prone to blushing. You might also notice she’s stroking her own chest, arm or face slowly and seductively - any rhythmic caressing of herself is an absolute give away that this girl is really into you.
Finally, look for mirroring. If you’ve both turned your shoulders and legs so you’re facing each other, you know you’ve made a connection. You are also likely to start reaching for your drinks at the same time, or simultaneously sorting your hair.
Now let’s go beyond body language and look at her behavior.
You see, while compulsively flirty girls are after your attention, they’re also after the attention of every other man in the room. A woman who is genuinely into you, on the other hand, only needs you notice her and will focus all of her energies on making sure that happens.
There are various ways in which girls try to get your attention. She may ask you to dance. If you insist that she dances without you, she will spend the whole song glancing your way to check that you’re watching. She may pull out a few extra sexy moves designed to get your heart thumping.
Try talking to another girl, whether a friend or the bartender. If the flirty girl suddenly appears at your side or you notice her watching intently, you can be sure that she’s feeling jealous. She’s trying her best to impress you tonight and won’t want to share your attention with anyone.
On the other hand, if you catch her giggling and whispering with your guy friends, don’t assume the worst. Girls know they need your mates’ seal of approval so by doing her best to get them to like her, she’s trying to ensure that you will, too.
And finally, if she leans in close and starts telling you her secrets, you know that you’ve scored. By creating an aura of intimacy between you she is allowing herself to relax - and nothing is more important than that if you’re planning on taking her home.
2008_01_24_caps_lock.jpg (JPEG Image, 500x400 pixels)
- You have no fancy habits: I’ve never, or hardly, ever been spoiled by perks like a corporate car, four-star hotels on business trips, & unlimited long distance phone calls. My lifestyle is still the one of the student I used to be until June 07: in many ways very inexpensive. And I don’t mind spending 100 hours working-sleeping-living in a room with a bunch of brilliant minds eating pizzas. If you’ve recognized yourself in this pattern, then this is the first reason you should consider starting a company.
- It is easier to raise business angel money: as a young entrepreneur, especially in Europe, raising VC money can prove extremely time-consuming and challenging. The venture capital crowd is an elitist herd that needs to show its limited partners (institutional investors providing them with the funds later invested in startups) a serious track record for the entrepreneurs they’ve bet on, just in case things turn wrong with their investees. Turning to business angels, whose decisions rely on a simpler governance since they invest their own money, is therefore the most viable option on the condition that you treat business angels like a VC - that is to say like a tough-minded, selective investor. By & large, there are two kinds of business angels: successful entrepreneurs, & successful executives who never found the time or will to start their own company. I regard being young when trying to raise angel money as a huge asset: angels want to have an impact, and the chance they’ll make the difference with a younger, more flexible mind is larger than with a seasoned former large-corp executive. Business angel are more likely to patronage youngsters than grey hairs.
- You most of the time have no family to take care of: before turning 25, you should still have at least a couple years to go before having babies and all that jazz. So, from a personal risk standpoint, taking professional risks is not risky. On top of this, you don’t have too tight a deadline to start getting a decent salary. Last, at the end of the day, hunger seriously makes you bootstrap your butt off.
- You face less social pressure: few of your former classmates but the entrepreneurs already make millions so you don’t feel like the tramp in the room at alumni reunions & events; today, you all eat pasta & rice, but when the time comes some of them will be reasonably wealthy (most probably those working in investment banking, market & risk finance & real estate), you’ll be the one with two exits on the tally.
- You haven’t been corrupted by ill corporate habits taken from procedural organization: politics, unethical struggles for promotion, pyramidal hierarchies, etc. I don’t know anything (almost; for instance in my last corporate experience, I was told ‘white’ on the one day, and ‘black’ on the other: it’s okay except when it’s about your career. So I started wondering whether people really cared, and I want no one except myself to take care about my career anymore) about it and feel good about being certain not to reproduce such wrong behavioral patterns in my startup.
- Ignorance is bliss…No fear, can-do attitude. That’s you. Same for us: we’re running for the next big thing: high risk, high return. We’re not there to play pussies & since the opportunity is huge, the chance that we have an impact on the world is significant. We deeply want to make of the world a better place. We’re embedding meaning in our quest. That may sound naive, but as Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it”.
- You have no regret for a job as an apparatchik in a large corp, since you don’t know how comfortable it can be & how hard it can be to find the guts to say “good bye” to.
- You have plenty of time to do it again: being an entrepreneur isn’t a job. It is a state of mind. Once you become an entrepreneur, you’re an entrepreneur for an entire lifetime. I can picture so many first time entrepreneurs who, in their fifties or even forties, know they’ll have time to build only one success story on their own - if not zero. This is a very frustrating situation because those who succeed most, financially speaking, are repeat entrepreneurs. Because repeat entrepreneurs learn not to repeat their mistakes and hence do things everyday better. As far as I’m concerned, I see starting young as a huge asset because I’ll have time to build a number of companies (say 5) over time.
- Your cost of failure is zero, not to say negative; say you fail and don’t want to do it again (which is unlikely) then you’re off to the job market at a premium because everybody’s looking for entrepreneur-minded people. An experience, be it a failure or a success, as an entrepreneur is worth every MBA-trained strategy consultants altogether. Your cost of failure may, depending on your cost of opportunity & the necessarily small amount of money you invested in your own venture, actually even be negative: failed entrepreneurs are a scarce resource on the job market. Those with large corp experiences are largely commiditized against those with startup ones.
- You will get rich faster than if you had worn dark suits because you’re working and hence creating value for yourself rather than for someone else.