How to Go on a Free Date
DIzzIE [c]opyleft 2007
So you’ve got an empty wallet with a hot date being just
around the corner and you’re worried that your usual
schemes won’t rub off the right way on your significant
other? After all, rushing him in through the back door
amidst a crowd of exiting moviegoers to avoid the $8.50
ticket price may indeed seem cheap, and holding her hair
back as she spits up the alka-seltzer mixed in with the
crème brule to get out of paying the $200 bill at the
city’s most posh restaurant isn’t the most romantic of
ways to spend an evening.
Worry not fair courtier, for here’s a walkthrough
on how to have an entirely free evening with style.
First off, we need to take care of transportation.
A few days in advance, pay a visit to a few prominent car
dealerships and ask about their test drive programs. The
good news is that not only do numerous dealerships now
offer 24-hour test drives, many also give away promotional
gifts like DVDs as ‘thank yous’ for the taking their
product for a spin. The bad news is that the dealer may
insist on running a credit check or/and ask you to leave
your current car at the lot.
Next, let’s take care of the conventional chocolate and
candy. Last month having written a letter to your chocolate
manufacturer of choice (Godiva, See’s, and so forth),
describing your great distaste with their product, and
including a UPC code that you took off a box at the store
or created yourself using barcode software and the fitting
paper stock, you should now have either a coupon or a
check for the value of the candy, or even an actual
replacement box shipped to you.
As for the flowers, drive by a cemetery and pick out
a particularly appealing array.
A couple days before the big day, call up your selected
fine dining establishment and explain that you are the
Food & Arts reviewer for a local community paper or a
startup magazine and have been assigned to do a review
of said restaurant (depending on the particular
restaurant’s policy you may or may not have to explain
that you are coauthoring the article, so as to explain
the presence of your associate). Set a date and a time
ballpark for when you’ll be coming, give your name,
and when you show up at the restaurant simply drop
your name. You may want to create business cards
matching your supposed position.
Following the meal, when you’re going to the theater
use the same technique as for the restaurant,
with ‘food & arts’ being replaced with ‘entertainment’.
And as for later in the night, well we all know that
free contraceptives are available from a local health
center. Of course, various companies would gladly
send you a sample if you write to them requesting one;
some, such as Trojan, have a convenient online
request form: trojancondoms dot com/freesample.aspx
Have fun! ;)
Blogged with the Flock Browser