MensHealth - Great sex

If men weren’t great explorers, we never would have found the Cape, Victoria Falls, or scrambled porn on channel 99. So why should our entire sex life always take place in the same spot? Nothing against the 2-by-1.5-metre package of coiled springs you’ll be bouncing on tonight, but we believe every man should act on his inherent urge to conquer new territory. The benefit: a sex life with more imagination is one with more satisfaction. So here’s our list of the world’s 31 best places to fool around. Try some of our suggestions (discreetly, please; bail isn’t in our budget). Or just use them as inspiration to make a list of your own.

Hammock The Standard Hammock is 2.5 metres long, and is woven from the finest cotton that easily holds the weight of two bodies. The specially-designed suspension system comes with built-in shock absorbers – so be as adventurous as you like! The hammock adapts to your shape and there’s enough room for a couple to lie crosswise, thereby reducing your chances of tipping over at the worst possible time. Call Zenpoint on (021) 462 1064 or check out www.zenpoint.co.za. Airline There’s no need to try cramped bathroom sex when you’re flying business class on British Airways. Some planes feature ‘fully flat bed’ seats – which, as promised in the promotional material, will ‘allow you to get completely horizontal’. The seats are arranged in pairs so one person’s head is at another person’s feet. (Could this get any better?) Eventually, the seats will be available in the entire fleet, but they’re currently only on planes to and from New York. It’s as good a reason as any to travel, we think. For more information and reservations see www.britishairways.com. Please use the privacy screen. Fitness equipment Though we can think of several hundred kinky things to do with a calf-raise machine, our vote for the most sexual piece of fitness equipment is a large Swiss ball. Why? The ball can actually help improve your depth of penetration, if you’re in the right position. Try this: sit on the ball and have her straddle you, facing away from you. Hold her hips for balance, and use the rocking motion of the ball to thrust in and out of her from behind. Do one set of at least 50 repetitions. Be courteous: wipe your sweat off the ball when you finish your set. Hotel Spare yourself the embarrassment of shopping for leather chaps and cheerleader outfits and having to check into a seedy motel. Just fulfil all of your fantasies at the Michelangelo Hotel in Sandton. The arches, columns and marble additions echo the rennaissance style of the restaurants and cafés in the adjacent Sandton Square. Your thoughts will be provoked into fantasies of an era of opulence and blatant eroticism. Check out the hotel at www.michelangelo.co.za Washing machine Laundry day will never be the same again. Next time you do a load, position her on top of the machine. She’ll dig the vibrations and you’ll gain a new appreciation of the term ‘housework’. National park If the missus likes to vocalise, pitch your tent in the Golden Gate National Park in the Drakensberg, where more than 10 000 hectares of mountainous highland leave little risk of waking the neighbours. Short nature trails of one to five hours provide a diversity of backdrops to suit every mood. And with the warmth of the red and yellow mountain hues falling on you, you can snuggle up and indulge in some serious game life. For more information on the park call (012) 343 1991 or visit www.parks-sa.co.za. Room in the house We like having sex on the stairs – not only because it’s a great workout, but also because of the dark stairwell. Try a doggie-style position with her a few steps above you. Her skin and breasts will brush against the carpeted steps (she’ll like that). You’ll like the strong upward thrusts you have to make to stay connected. Room where you can hide The walk-in wardrobe. If the door opens in, lean back against it (that’ll keep nosy kids from prying it open). She climbs on top of you – you can support her weight by holding her under her thighs or under her arms. If your door opens out and the kids do find their naked parents, your alibi is easy and believable: “We’re trying on new clothes.” Room in someone else’s house Our favourite no-getting-caught spot at a friend’s party: the garage. Offer to pick up more beer, then slip out the garage door. Nobody will think anything of your being away for 20 minutes, and you can always hide between the two cars if you hear someone coming. Tip Get her to wear a short skirt and no underwear to the party. Quick access makes it easy for you to get into the situation. And easy for you to cover it up if necessary. Somewhere subterranean Try having sex in the garden. Not only does it save travel costs, but you’ll also feel adventurous, even though there’s little chance of getting caught – unless you get too carried away and disturb the Jones’s next door.

Clothing store changing room Sex expert Laura Corn told us her trick for doing it in a private spot in a public place: she asks the saleswoman if her partner can go into the dressing room to make sure he likes what she’s trying on. Corn’s experience: the saleswoman always says yes. At work Working late has never been so appealing! After everyone’s buggered off for the day, sneak your partner up the fire stairs and indulge in some hot and sweaty overtime (worth noting: ergonomic chairs have some very interesting uses). If you’re really daring, try out the boss’s desk. But watch out for security cameras – unless you’re into that sort of thing. Tent Your best back-to-nature love shack is the four-man Ferrino Savanah Junior. You’ll love the high ceiling and ample space, so you can stand and deliver. Made out of nylon, it’ll weather all sorts of conditions. Available at Outdoor Warehouse outlets nationwide. Check out www.outdoorwarehouse.co.za. Part of a golf course Always go for hole five, six, 13 or 14. They’re the furthest from the clubhouse, which reduces your risk of being caught by gopher-trolling superintendents. The greens are the softest places, but you’ll want to use a blanket because courses are usually smothered with pesticides. Try explaining that to your urologist. Waterfall After hiking 12 kilometres into Hawaii’s Waimanu Valley, don’t linger on the black-sand beach. A wild-pig trail leads up-valley through groves of wild guava to postcard-perfect Waiilikahi Falls. There, you’ll see how the water pulses through a cleft high in the black volcanic rock, cascading through a hundred tiny rainbows into a pool that’s so dark and seductive you’ll probably need snorkel gear to accomplish what she has in mind. For somethng a bit closer to home, visit the Howick Falls in KwaZulu-Natal. Rainbows are reflected in the pulsing water which drops more than 95 metres from the Mgeni River. The white-laced spray makes a spectacular dreamland covered by thick mist. But don’t linger on the viewing platform. Get your gear off and splash out in the deep pool under the falls. The thundering water will be enough to drown out even the most frantic screams of pleasure, you big stud, you. Mountain top If you’re a fan of the great outdoors, the spectacular 360-degree view from the top of Simonsberg Mountain in Stellenbosch will take your breath away before you’ve got your trousers off. The initial walk will be enough to earn you a shag – if you’ve still got sufficient energy. Train Imagine the rhythmic rocking of a train bulleting into the night, with you and your partner holed up in a cosy sleeper cabin. If that doesn’t get the hormones flowing, nothing will. The Blue Train travels between Cape Town and Pretoria, and up to the Victoria Falls. Tickets include all services, meals and drinks. Costs vary, but for a romantic getaway, at least it’s a little more private than the all-stations 7.35 to the city. Visit www.bluetrain.co.za. Limousine Cruise around town and cause a commotion both inside and out with the eight-seater limo from SA Limousines. This all-time classic comes with free champagne, CD player, full-leather upholstery and red carpet treatment. Prices vary with length of time. Call (011) 882 2046. Elevator “Everybody fantasises about having sex in an elevator, and the most common place people make that fantasy come true is in hotels,” says Patricia Love, author of Hot Monogamy. Still, keeping in mind alarms, video cameras and pubescent tattletale bellhops, we’d prefer you didn’t get snagged. Instead, try a freight elevator. It won’t have an alarm, and you can stop it between floors for more privacy. One foolproof option for slipping by undetected: nurse the fantasy until you and your partner are helping a buddy move into a new apartment. Pack the front and sides of the elevator with boxes, leave the middle clear. Cities For the professional bachelor we recommend cities where you’ll find masses of unattached ladies, which means you should schedule your next trip to Cape Town. You’ve all heard the seven-to-one ratio story – plenty of lovely-looking ladies all looking. Durban is a good bet for those in search of all-year-round Baywatch beach life. Library Libraries generally contain endless rows of dusty, forgotten shelves that are perfect for a quickie (avoid varsity libraries for this reason – too crowded). Try your local library instead and go for an obscure section, like ornithology. To add a touch of fantasy, get her to wear spectacles, a demure expression and her hair in a bun. Note: not a good idea if she’s a screamer. Sleeping bag To get your favourite gymnast in the sack, zip two of First Ascent’s Ice Breaker sleeping bags together. These down-filled cocoons have elastic ribbing so you can comfortably bob, squirm and wrestle into any position. But they still hug your curves so closely that frosty drafts won’t sneak in. That’s handy when she attempts the double reverse layout with a half twist. Available at Outdoor Warehouse nationwide. Tel: Cape Town (021) 948 6221/Gauteng (011) 792 8331 or check www.outdoorwarehouse.co.za for more info. Underground spot Twin’s Cave on Cathedral Peak in the Drakensberg is the ideal place to get lost for a night. Listed as one of South Africa’s ‘Ten good caves to sleep in’ it is one of the biggest caves in the Drakensberg. There’s more than enough room for exploration and the golden sunrises will make your magic last. Well, we hope. Mattress If you really must do it on a bed, try the Sealy Regal mattress which has almost double the number of springs than the average mattress. The firm, durable fabric makes it appropriate for wild-sex couples while still offering a soft, comfortable ride with it’s duralite foam which ‘wraps your body in luxury’. Just the right combination, we think. It’s available from all major stockists, or call Sealy’s toll-free number on 0800 016 335. Playground equipment Though the merry-go-round has the most potential for dizzying sex, the swings are your best bet for pure sexual satisfaction, without the inner-ear imbalance. Both of you should kneel on the soft ground behind the swing. She leans forward so her elbows fit into the swing seat. Let her gently push the swing forward and back; the movement provides the smooth thrusting. Stay still. And quiet. Beach She’ll be bowled over by the time you’re finished on Boulders Beach. Go and discover the many little hideaways on this secluded spot just a few minutes walk from the quaint naval village of Simonstown, Cape Town. Tourist attraction The Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens offer a tactile experience like no other. The grass produces a different sensation on the skin. Otherwise try finding a bush (make sure you’re not allergic to it first though) and dive under it with your beloved. Why not get into the groove next summer with the Summer Garden Concerts. Find a dark corner away from the crowd and set the night to music of your own kind. There’s a thought to get you through winter. Bath If you find the average bath a little cramped when you’re trying to pull the moves on that special lady friend, maybe you need a receptable specially designed for two. The Parisienne spa bath from Summer Place Spas comes with an ergonomically designed base in the form of two reclining bathers. It also has optimised positioning of air and water jets, which means total stimulation for you and your partner. So light some candles, add some bath oils and linger in Mr Bubble all night. Call (011) 442 3120 or visit www.summerplace.co.za. Spring holiday spot The all-inclusive Vatulele Resort in the Fiji Islands has 18 villas, no phones, and dinner is served in caves. But that’s not why we picked it. Where else can you take day trips to Nooki Nooki Island? For South Africans to get to this paradise location, the best route is to fly to Sydney and get a connecting flight to the Fiji Islands with Qantas Airlines. Once on the island, expect to spend more than R120 000 for a minimum four-night stay. For reservations visit www.vatulele.com.

Car Driving a Volvo doesn’t have to be boring. The large interior of the Volvo V70 Estate measures 1.85 metres by 1.56 metres with a height of 0.81 metres. Proof that size does matter. Phone (021) 422 0100 in Cape Town and (011) 784 5330 in Gauteng for details. An alternative passion wagon is the Jeep Grand Cherokee. Not only does it have ample head-, hip- and shoulder-room and luxurious leather seats, but it’s exclusive Quadra-Coil suspension provides a smooth ride, no matter what the conditions. Contact (021) 419 7100. Carpet We didn’t choose the Kirman from Nouwens Carpets because we feel romantic, but because we hate carpet burns. It’s 100 percent wool which makes for cushioned, friction-free activity. A good underlay means a nice recoil – very important when you are sans bed. Visit www.nouwens.co.za. Available at most furniture stores nationwide.

MensHealth - Great sex

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