We took a lighthearted look at male shortcomings, now it's time to turn the tables.1
Can't read maps
Woman: "It's definitely this way."
Man: "Are you sure about that, because I think it might be . . .
Woman: "It's this way. Who's got the map?"
When you have gone far enough for it to have become obvious she was wrong (outskirts of Mount Isa maybe), a woman will do one of three things: (a) claim the map was wrong, (b) say you had put her under too much pressure, (c) bring up something that happened three weeks ago.
Leave the toilet seat down
Why do so many women forget to put the toilet seat back up when they have visited the toilet? They get to take the weight off their feet when using the water closet – the least they can do is put the seat back up to the position it was in when they came in. The only time toilet seats need to be down fully is when the bathroom light bulb needs to be changed.
First they put wing mirrors on the sides, then they put sensors on the bumpers and now there's even a camera on the back (isn't that what the rear view mirror is for?) These technological advances were designed to make parking easier, yet women still can't do it. Not only can they not park but they will never allow a man to take over for the last bit of the journey. Finally, never, no matter how strong the urge, point out this deficiency to a woman while she is attempting to parallel park.
Brisbane Lions player takes a high mark in the forward pocket despite the attentions of three opposing players. "So?"
Rambo kills six men with his bare hands without making a sound. "And?"
This phone has video, MP3 player, calendar, camera, calculator, internet access and 1Gb of removable memory for storing data. "Does it come in pink?" What is it in the woman's psyche that means they are unable to be impressed about the really important things in life?
Never take out rubbish
The bin is overflowing and is starting to smell. Furry things are making a home for themselves and their extended family inside. No amount of pushing or compacting will allow any other items to be placed inside. The bin is full. F.U.L.L. But even the most neurotic of women would rather have their kitchen smelling like a compost heap than have to empty the rubbish themselves. Some women may simply ask their man: "Are you ever going to empty that bin?" The same goes for the recycling.
There is no way a man will ever be able to second-guess a woman confidently, no matter how well he thinks he knows her. One day she'll love lavender, the next she won't. One day she will love the thought of splurging on a luxury weekend, the next it's a thoughtless waste of money. Women say they have a right to change their mind. Men wish someone would legislate against it.
Always suggesting things we could do
Maybe the lounge would look better in a different colour? Would the barbecue work better if it had a good clean? Do you think the grass is getting too long? I wonder if there's a better way of organising the garage. What do you think? Many of these types of suggestions are actually stealth demands. Women make them sound as if it's a point of discussion, when actually there's no discussion to be had.
Here's an example of women's logic. Recommended retail price of dress equals $350. Sale price equals $150. The woman buys the dress, noting that this is a saving of $200 which, because this amount has been "saved", can then legitimately be spent on another item.
The woman thinks her man will be pleased at her frugality, but the guy realises she has again failed to grasp the fact that even a bargain buy costs money.
Leave lights on
Why is it that women rarely get jobs as secret agents, or choose careers as cat burglars? The reason is that whenever they walk into a room, they can't help but turn on a light – but they can't turn it off again when they leave. Imagine if James Bond left all the lights on as he sneaked around Goldfinger's island lair? If the Government launched a public education campaign (they could call it "Women – turn them off") they could cut Australia's carbon emissions at the flick of a switch.
Talk in riddles
Man: "What would you like for your birthday this year?"
Woman: "Something that's nice but not too expensive, but not cheap either. Something I can wear, but also that's useful." Riddle me this, riddle me that, you can find me in shops, but it's not a hat.
The rule here is that the simpler and more straightforward the question, the more incongruous and nonsensical the answer.