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Top 10 Things To Improve and Maintain a Healthy Relationship

by  Takinte   ◊   May 14, 2008

Published in Relationships     1 comments – join the discussion!

As creator beings, one of the most fulfilling and important aspects of self-discovery is creating and fulfilling a loving relationship with someone else. However, it’s usually one of the most challenging aspects we encounter due to a relationship’s innate ability to bring forward all of our weaknesses and areas that we as individuals need to improve upon. It’s a difficult journey that has many ups and downs but in the end we’re all looking for and want to be loved.

The following are just some guidelines to remind you of some of the things that we habitually do or don’t do in relationship that can negatively affect our loved ones. It’s also how you can let that special someone in your life know just how important they are to you, and how you can do little things to show your appreciation of them and their role in your life.

#10 – Quality Time

Everyone knows what this means but everyone seems to ignore it or just not take is seriously enough. Quality time with each other means just that, quality time NOT quantity. Just because you have spent the entire day/weekend together does not necessarily mean that you have spent quality time together. Learn to set time aside for your loved one on a consistent basis either a few hours daily, a ‘date night’ once a week or special weekend together every month. Individuals and schedules differ so do what works for both of you. Remember to turn off cell phones, hire a babysitter and ask them if there was something in particular that they would like to do with you. You just might be surprised at what their answer is.

#9 – Space

On the flipside of quality time, there is space. We need space for balance and there is nothing more healing than giving each other space from time to time. Whether it’s in the midst of a heated argument or simply spending some quality time with yourself, make sure that your relationship honors time and space for alone time. Talk with your partner beforehand and discuss that spending time alone does not mean that you don’t enjoy time with them. Some people need to learn how to spend quality time with themselves first before they can become a better partner.

#8 – Openness and Honesty

At the core of every healthy and loving relationship is the ability to remain open and honest with each other. Part of being open and honest is telling the truth. Now telling the truth does not mean to tell the truth ONLY if it doesn’t make the other partner feel uncomfortable, it means the whole truth all the time. Not just the big lies, but the little ‘lies of omission’ and ‘white lies’ we tell on a consistent basis. These small untruths only cause us to hold back emotionally and feel disconnected with our loved one. Ultimately, it causes a barrier between the two of you and your relationship will be based on only half-truths. We fear that if our partner knew all of us, then there could be a chance that they won’t love and accept us for who we really are and eventually leave us. Although that might be true, we need to look at the bigger picture and ask ourselves if we want a relationship with a partner who does not know and love ‘all of you’?

#7 – Intimacy

There are so many levels of intimacy: intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual and physical. Fundamentally, the essence of any form of intimacy is allowing your partner to be his/her self without trying to conform them to your ideals. The moment you try to conform someone to your ideals, you loose intimacy. If they are different to your ideals, then honor your differences and take the time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of your partner. We are striving to respond to each other with understanding and empathy and recall that we choose to be with each other not because of our differences but simply because we truly enjoy and want to be with each other.

#6 – Accountability

This one takes tremendous emotional maturity. Being accountable means following through on what we said we were going to do or owning up to something we are not admitting to our partner and ourselves. It means taking responsibility. In relationships, we don’t like taking accountability or responsibility for something that has gone wrong or that we don’t like in the relationship. Doing so however, increases our self worth, no matter how difficult it may be, and improves our relationship with our partner.

#5 – Don’t Blame

Blame is ugly and makes the other person feel disempowered and worthless. They may have done something that does not please you, or something that is just flat out wrong….but don’t blame them for your misery. In the end, we each have to take responsibility for all of our actions and if we have done something wrong or someone has done something to hurt us, than we need to be big enough to admit that we have done wrong or been hurt and ask that they remain mindful of not doing it again.

#4 – Heal Thyself

Although a difficult thing to admit, but a sobering reality nonetheless, remember that you can’t have a better partner if you don’t better yourself first. Working on ourselves is a lifelong achievement and is never completely done. We encounter relationships and scenarios that can really push our buttons and we should all view it as another opportunity to improve ourselves and our relationships with others. For instance, someone has hurt your feelings deeply and you are having a difficult time moving on, do you say slanderous things about them to others in order to revenge them or do you just walk away and move on with your life? It’s a hard toss sometimes, but we need to be mindful that what comes around goes around – always!

#3 – Think Lovingly

This is very simple to do yet a very powerful tool if used on a consistent basis. Spending a few minutes each day, in the morning on waking for example, and think of your partner and all the things that you enjoy/love about them. This exercise helps to open your heart and ground your relationship with them. If done by both partners it also helps to strengthen your bond with one another.

Are you really mad with him or her and not feeling very ‘loving’ towards them? Do it anyway, there still should be something that you love about them. If you consistently can’t find anything, then you know what your answer is.

#2 – Health and Family

When we are in a relationship, there are three beings in the relationship; you, me and ‘us’. It’s important to keep the ‘us’ in mind when we are with other family members or in social settings. Remember that our partner is a part of our team and be sure not to negate, belittle or ignore them in front of others. Especially when it comes to pushy family members or children, you must always remember to remain on the same front. If and when there is a difference of opinion in family matters, simply diffuse the situation by stating to others that you will discuss it with your partner first and then discuss the matter openly and honestly when you are alone. This helps your partner to feel valued and loved by you.

#1 – Counseling / Therapy

Every relationship at some point can use a good dose of professional counseling or therapy. The therapists’ expertise and experience can help a couple to pinpoint habitual and destructive behaviors and help them to discover new and better ways of communicating with each other. It’s also a place where you inevitably learn things that you didn’t know about each other. Relationships and emotions are complicated and just because you think you know your partner well, does not necessarily mean that you know everything about them. People change over time and professional counseling helps couples to.

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