Rude Cactus: Inappropriate Things My Daughter Said

Inappropriate Things My Daughter Said

My daughter says some wacky shit. I mean, she always has. But lately it seems like there's a higher concentration of wacky. I'm going to attribute it to the fact that she's given up napping during the day and she's downright delusional by the time I get home in the evenings. I like the fact that she's wacky. Fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, and all that. Here are three examples which occurred within 48 hours of each other.

Scene One. I was putting a very tired Mia to bed. She was lying down, under the covers, preparing to read one of the 2,402 books on her bed with her flashlight. Yes, her flashlight. Her room, in the evenings, is wondrous. In one corner are hanging lanterns, surrounded by hand-painted butterflies while a moon and stars hang in another corner. The entire room is adorned in butterflies. And, lately, the ceiling is awash in stars generated by this little mini-planetarium she loves while princess songs waft through the air. While lying there with her, both of us tired and close to snoozeville, she unexpectedly became very animated and very excited. Daddy daddy daddy! she shouted. What what what? I asked. Daddy, I just put nose boogers in my ear! She was so proud. And so classy.

Scene Two. I was getting changed after work, trading in a suit and tie for jeans and a t-shirt. I was in my boxers and socks (sexy) when Mia walked right up to me and - before my manly instincts to protect one's nether regions from uncertainty could kick in - opened up the front flap of my boxers.

Mia: Do you want your penis out?
Me: Um, no. I think my penis is fine where it is.
Mia: Okay, but if you want it out, I'll be here to help.
Me: You know sweetheart, I think I have that covered. But thanks.

At some point we're going to have to have the Private Parts Talk or the Personal Space Talk or the Let Your Daddy Wield His Own Penis Because He's A Professional And Would Rather Not Talk To Child Services Today Talk. But I really hate to spoil the innocence.

Scene Three. The kitchen. Beth is making dinner and I'm playing with the kids. Mia, who often makes up randomly named games the rules to which no one knows - like Hoodle-Heee-Hooo-Pickle which involved screaming the alphabet and kicking a ball - was tossing an oven mitt in the air.

Mia: Hey, let's play a game of Catch-The-Cock!
Me: Mommy and I played that last night.

Posted by Chris at February 12, 2009 6:20 AM

Rude Cactus: Inappropriate Things My Daughter Said